Need to lighten the mood at family events? These dad jokes are guaranteed to get eye rolls… and laughter! Save this list for your next reunion.
OZFox42 1 mon.agoGuilty pleasure...A husband had to leave his wife for 3 months while he attended business in Africa. To prevent her loneliness and to lower the temptations of her being unfaithful he gave his wife a magic dildo before he left. The reason it was called a magic dildo was because no matter where the wife was all she would have to do is say, "magic dildo" and then the place she wanted the magic dildo to be and it would appear there.
A week after her husband left, she decided to give the magic dildo a try. She left it in the garage and then went up into her bed and said, "magic dildo, vagina." Instantly it appeared where it was called and satisfied her. She was very excited about her magic dildo and started to use it every where. She called to it at work when no one was looking, in the wooded part of the park, at the movie theatre, when she was dancing, everywhere. No matter where she was it would appear and make her squirm with pleasure.
One day on her way to work she hit bad traffic. She looked up ahead and saw there was an accident and realized it would be a while and decided to call the magic dildo. She was feeling really confident and called out "magic dildo, vagina." She became overwhelmed and hit the accelerator slamming into the car in front of her. As it turned out the driver of that car was a cop.
The cop came up to the car seeing the woman squirming and suspected she was on drugs.
"Get out of the car now and put your hands on the hood!"
She tried to comply but ended up just falling to the pavement. The officer was quite alright and asked the woman what she was on. She told him "Officer I'm not on any drugs, my husband gave me a magic dildo and it's causing me to lose control!"
The officer, not buying it, simply replied, "Magic dildo, my ass."
ES_FTrader 1 mon.agoA guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts.He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?”
“Are you nuts?!” she replies, and keeps walking. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
“Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” he asks again.
“Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?” So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again.
“Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?”
She thinks about it for a while and says, “Hmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there.”
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?”
“Nah”, he replies. “Costs too much…”
Nursebaker1 1 mon.agoWhat does one saggy boob say to the other?