Need to lighten the mood at family events? These dad jokes are guaranteed to get eye rolls… and laughter! Save this list for your next reunion.
jvlpdillon 9 hr.agoAn old fur trapper walks into a bar...He claims he can identify any pelt and how it was killed with his eyes closed.
The other patrons agree the wager a round of drinks per guess.
The trapper goes all night, beaver killed with a knife, elk killed with a shotgun, squirrel killed with an arrow. Yada yada...
This goes on all night. The trapper is getting really drunk from all the free drinks. He eventually stumbles out of the bar.
The next day the trapper comes back to the bar with 2 black eyes. The bar goers ask what happened.
He replies he got into bed with his wife and proclaimed "skunk killed with an axe".
Rusinduck 7 day.agoA patient walks into the doctor’s office."Doctor, I have a problem."
"What kind of problem?"
"One of my testicles is really swollen. It's huge. Maybe I caught some kind of infection."
"Alright, take off your pants and show me."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"I'm afraid you'll laugh at me."
"I promise I won’t laugh."
The patient pulls down his pants and pulls out a testicle the size of a melon. The doctor immediately bursts out laughing.
"See? Now I’m definitely not showing you the sick one."
Longingburningdesire 10 day.agoA man walks into a bar...He proceeds to order 3 beers and drinks them rapidly. The bartender looks at him astounded. The man then walks away
The bartender:
'why would you drink so much and leave.'
The man turns and says. 'ones for me. Ones for my wife. And ones for my dog... He gets to sleep in the doghouse.'
Ok_Run3569 14 day.agoA woman walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot with a sign: “Talking Parrot – $1.”She asks the owner, “Why is this parrot only a dollar?”
The owner sighs, “Well… he used to live in a brothel, so his language is a little colorful.”
The woman, amused, buys him anyway and takes him home.
As soon as she walks through the door, the parrot looks around and says, “New house, new madam. Nice!”
Then her two daughters walk in.
The parrot squawks, “New girls! Busy night ahead!”
Then her husband walks in.
The parrot pauses, tilts his head, and says, “Well well well… welcome back, Dave.”
Ok_Run3569 14 day.agoA man walks into a pet store looking to buy a parrot.The store owner shows him three parrots sitting on a perch.
The first one is $500.
The man asks, “Why so expensive?”
The owner says, “This parrot knows how to use Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint.”
The second one is $1,000.
“What does this one do?”
“This parrot can code in Python, Java, and can build websites.”
The third one is $5,000.
The man is stunned. “What on earth does this one do?”
The owner leans in and whispers, “To be honest… I’ve never seen him do anything. But the other two call him Boss.”
