2000 Best Dad Jokes for Family Gatherings – Instant Icebreaker!

The bartender says, “You know, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper looks shocked and says, “You mean you have a drink named ‘Irwin’!?”

Bayes: Wait! Based on the title, I know what joke we're in! Schrodinger: Well great, by making the observation you've changed the joke. Let's get some punch. Dirac: There's no punchline. This is an anti-joke.

Bartender: “Do all of you want a beer?” First logician: “I don’t know.” Second logician: “I don’t know.” Third logician: “Yes.”

Ouch. How bad do you wanna bet the concussion is?

The Doctor said, I can clearly see your nuts....

He orders a sandwich, and when he is finished he pulls out a gun, fires it into the air and walks out the door. A man exclaims "What the hell was that about!" and the bartender says "that's typical of pandas." He pulls out an encyclopedia and opens it to the panda section. "See it says right here, 'eats shoots and leaves'"

"We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.

Schizophrenic order a pint of beer, the priest orders a glass of wine. The cat being unable to decide turns to priest for suggestion. The priest turns to schizophrenic and asks him "How is it possible this cat can talk? " To which the schizophrenic answers "It's not possible because none of this is real. I have schizophrenia. The cat, you and this whole bar is a delusion". Priest, visibly relieved says "That's a relief, for a second there I thought I'm losing my mind"

Madame: Well we do have a girl with a glass eye...she takes it out a let's you fuck her in the eye socket John: OMG that's crazy, I'll have to give it a try 15 minutes later John: That was amazing, I would never have thought of something like that in a million years. I'll definitely be back Madame: Okay, I will tell her to keep an eye out for you

The bartender says, "What can I get for you?" Logician 1 says, "I don't know." Logician 2 says, "I don't know either." Logician 1 says, "I'll have beer, please."