2000 Best Dad Jokes for Family Gatherings – Instant Icebreaker!

“The beginning sucked, and the middle was hard to get through, but I really liked the climax!”

Or so I've read, on page 37 of the new England journal of medicine on August 14th 2002, while eating bacon and eggs, which I overcooked slightly.

A master baiter

I'm reminded of the stage instructions where the lead actress has to make her appearance holding a candle. Director instructs "Enter actress, with candle, right upper entrance." After embarrassed giggles and outright guffaws, the directions were changed to "Enter actress, with candle, left upper entrance."

Furious, she summons all the male staff of the monastery and asks: "Ok... WHO JIZZED ON THE CANDLES!??"

When they were traveling in Jamaica, he had to go pee, a large Jamaican man stood at the urinal next to him, and he couldn’t help him self, he snuck a peak because of all the rumours. To his amazement he saw the same letters that were visible on his own penis, W N Y, and in his excitement he burst out “Oh my god you have Wendy tattooed on your penis, I have the same look!” The man gives him a quizzical look, glances at his penis and sees yes, clear as day the letters W N Y on this strange white mans penis. He coughs and clears his throat and says: “Oh no, the tattoo on my penis doesn’t say Wendy…” “Well what does it say” “Welcome to Jamaica, Have a Nice Day”

One day, his wife got so angry that she told him: “If you keep on smoking, all of your intestines will fall out.” Her husband didn’t believe her, so he kept on smoking and drinking just like he always did. His wife was determined to prove herself right, so one day she went out early in the morning to the local butcher shop and bought some big intestines. She stuffed them into her husband’s underwear as he slept. A short while later, he woke up, let out a huge scream, and then fell silent for the next 30 minutes. After another 30 minutes of silence, he comes downstairs, sweating profusely. “What happened?” his wife asked. “You were right! My intestines did come out, but don’t worry honey - after a lot of work, I finally managed to push them back in.”

Those happen to be separate measurements.

Imaginary

He was used to being miss spelt.