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2000 Best Dad Jokes for Family Gatherings – Instant Icebreaker!

Need to lighten the mood at family events? These dad jokes are guaranteed to get eye rolls… and laughter! Save this list for your next reunion.

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avatar tamtrible 6 day.agoWhat's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish sheep farmer?
One of them sings "Hey, you, get off of my cloud"...
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avatar PotentialTurnover335 7 day.agoWhat’s the difference between your job and your wife?
After five years, your job still sucks.
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avatar TheMarkMatthews 7 day.agoI asked the waiter if they had corn on the cob?
No, he replied, just sweaty bollocks
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avatar Not_Ban_Evading69420 7 day.agoI think it's messed up that when teens watch porn, it's of full grown adults
I think we should create age-appropriate porn, so it feels more normal to them...Oh. Oh no. What have I done??
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avatar PotentialTurnover335 7 day.agoWhat’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch, the other watches your snatch.
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avatar OZFox42 7 day.agoAn elderly woman appears in court.
Defence Lawyer: *"Ma'am, will you please state your age?"* Little Old Lady: *"I am 86 years old."* Defence Lawyer: *"Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?"* Little Old Lady: *"There I was, sitting in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me."* Defence Lawyer: *"Did you know him?"* Little Old Lady: *"No, but he sure was friendly."* Defence Lawyer: *"What happened after he sat down?"* Little Old Lady: *"He started to rub my thigh."* Defence Lawyer: *"Did you stop him?"* Little Old Lady: *"No, I didn’t stop him."* Defence Lawyer: *"Why not?"* Little Old Lady: *"It felt good. Nobody had done that to me since my husband died 30 years ago."* Defence Lawyer: *"What happened next?"* Little Old Lady: *"He began to rub my breasts."* Defence Lawyer: *"Did you stop him then?"* Little Old Lady: *"No, I did not stop him."* Defence Lawyer: *"Why not?"* Little Old Lady: *"It made me feel alive. I haven’t felt that good in years!"* Defence Lawyer: *"What happened next?"* Little Old Lady: *"Well, by then, I was feeling a little hot and bothered, so I asked him to come closer."* Defence Lawyer: *"And did he?"* Little Old Lady: *"Well, he came closer.... and then yelled, 'April Fools!' That’s when I shot the bastard."*
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avatar TheOnlyDankWizard 7 day.agoMy girlfriend and I we're having sex from behind and the dogs were watching.
I felt bad for the dogs after. We shouldn't have done it like that in front of them. That's cultural appropriation.
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avatar bananamuffins94 7 day.agoWhat's the difference between a prostitute with diarrhea and a spasmatic oyster farmer?
One fucks between shits and the other shucks between fits.
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avatar Apricus83 7 day.agoTriplets
A woman gave birth to triplets, all boys, and named them Tim, Tom and Tat. Soon after she realized she had a small problem. What was her problem? >!She did not have a tit for Tat.!<
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avatar LovelyDaisyDrop 7 day.agoMy sex life is like a Ferrari.
I don’t have a Ferrari.
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