2000 Best Dad Jokes for Family Gatherings – Instant Icebreaker!

The husband was feeling frisky, so he tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm, to indicate that he wanted sex. She turned over and said to him, "I'm sorry dear, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." Dejected, the husband turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment too?"

But none of them survived because they dried up in a towel. I appreciate the support tho guys; better luck to your siblings 😩

Because I f#cked a chicken.

In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

I wore the wrong socks today.

…finds the appropriate office and begins the process. The clerks asks: “What is your current name?” The man says with some hesitancy, “Donald Shithouse.” The clerk, taken a bit back and feeling sympathy for the man, replies “oh, my goodness, I can certainly understand why you would want your name changed. And what name would you like instead?” The man replies, “John Shithouse.”

No bids yet but I’ve got 12 people watching.

When he went upstairs he found his wife on the bed, naked and sweating. "What the hell is going on?" he asked her. "I'm having a heart attack," she stammered. Her husband ran downstairs and dialled 911. As he was doing this, his young son ran up to him and said, "Dad, uncle Tom is upstairs hiding in the closet, and he's naked." The father slammed the phone down and ran back upstairs to find his brother. "What the hell are you doing?" he screamed at him, "My wife is having a heart attack, and you're running around naked, scaring the kids!"

The therapist says, "Ok thanks for coming in today. Let's start with something you guys both agree on." The husband repliies, "Well, neither one of us like sucking dick."

Needing some extra cash, a young flight attendant started to gig a few call girl jobs. It was funny- whenever a guy inserted his member, she couldn’t break her habit of saying ‘Welcome aboard!’