3000+ funny dad jokes good or bad here waiting for you. I tell dad jokes every day, sometimes dad laughs.

His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

Guess she’s homeless.

“There are only two questions”, said the professor, not wanting to fail the star player “What did Old McDonald have?” After some thinking, player says “Farm” “That’s great” says the professor somewhat relieved. “Now can you spell farm?” The player hummed and hawed and scratched his head and finally says “EIEIO”

He said “more often than knot.”

He told me to quit gambling.

Because the odds were against him.

Brazilians and Brazilians!

A steamed veggie

“Man you should come have a beer with me after we get off. “ “No, I promised my wife I’d stop drinking. “ “It’s just one beer. “ So after a little more coaxing he talks him into a drink. One turns into two and before you know it he’s drunk and throws up all over his shirt. “Oh no! She’s going to kill me! I promised I’d stop drinking!” “Dude just put 10 bucks in your shirt pocket and tell her you went out for one drink and some drunk douchebag threw up then gave you ten bucks to get your shirt cleaned.” So he gets home and staggers in. “You’re drunk!” “No honey it’s not what it looks like, it’s not what it looks like at all. Some drunk guy threw up on me and gave me 10 bucks to clean my shirt, it’s right here in my pocket.” “There’s 20 bucks in here.” “Oh yeah he also pooped my pants!”

When someone asked him: "What do you do for living?" He responded: "It's nacho business"