【80+ LOL】Corny Dad Jokes Collection: Hilarious Classics for Family & Friends!

I made some fish tacos yesterday.

They ignored them and swam away.

Be careful when driving on May 5.

It's sinkhole de Mayo.

Have you heard of the Egyptian crocidile who’s friend passed away recently?

They say he’s still in de nile

What do you call a nervous javelin?

Shake spear

Death of an icon

With great sadness I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, who has one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours. Betty Crocker delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He wasn’t considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

I made some fish tacos yesterday.

They ignored them and swam away.

How do pigs save money on clothes?

They use ham-me-downs.

Wife reassured me I wouldn’t die alone

She said: “I’ll be there with a pillow”

Im not particularly handy but I had a go at redoing the house electrics

The whole family was shocked

My book was falling apart at the seams

I had to remove the appendix.

Why do dumb people always say yes?

They don’t no anything

What did the sushi said to the bee?

Wasabi.

What do you call it when Winnie-the-Pooh is riding on top of a chicken?

Pooh-ried Chicken.

Why can't you ask traditionalists for four quarters instead of a dollar bill?

Because they don't like change!

Why was it called the Dark Ages?

Because of all the knights.

Step Dad told me he likes to watch chickens walk around.

He's says its like "Poultry in Motion."

Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house

Because the ghosts bring all the boos.

If you take huge risks to acquire ornate anklets and garters...

You have a gam bling problem.

My cat won't go to the bathroom unless she has new books to read.

She needs fresh kitty literature.

How do you get a farm girl to marry you?

First, a tractor.

R.I.P. Boiling Water

You will be mist.

Why is it so hard to accelerate when running at your top speed?

Because running at that speed hertz.

I took the r out of Sprite

Just for spite!

I paid NASA $500 for an industrious little insect who just got back from a space mission.

That's ex orbit ant.

What do you call influencers who attract friendless sad people?

Lonelyfans influencers.

"Have you got any experience in computer-aided design?" asked the job interview.

"Yes," I replied. "Once I didn't sleep for four days because I was so preoccupied with how to decorate the interior of our living room. In my hysteria, I concluded that we'd need to spend £150,000 to fulfil my vision." "Okay...that's wonderful...But how does that bear *any* relation to computer-aided design?" "My wife bashed me over the head with a keyboard and made me see sense." **edit: interview*****er*** **(d'oh)**

Trump wants to make Canada the 51st state...

...but Canada is having Nunavut.

I couldn't get into the library the other day.

>!It was fully booked.!<

My brother rides his bike to work every day and always gets a flat tyre at 8.58am.

That's one thing about my bro, he's very punctural.

A lady told her partner on the phone that she is coming in 2 minutes.

Her partner said: Don't lie, you have never cum in 2 minutes.

How do you make 7 even?

Take away the S

What did Freddie Mercury say to the sandwich?

May-oh!

Why is the sport of cricket not popular in China?

Because some of their people eat the bats.

Why did an extremely lefty lady breakup with her partner?

Because she found him jerking off with his right hand.

Why did the sink break up with the faucet?

it couldn’t handle the pressure.

I told my wife that i love her and need her like how i need a laxative

Without her, things would be hard

Did you hear about the miracle of the blind carpenter?

He picked up his hammer and saw.

Cowboys in the old west used to hang lanterns off their horses at night to help them find their way home.

It was the first example of Saddle Light Navigation.

What is the difference between a cow and Star Wars?

You can’t milk a cow for 48 years…

I saw a bird at a construction site.

I later discovered it was a crane.

What do you call a group of mute chickens?

The No Clucks Klan. 😂 Also, not sure if this is considered NSFW as it kind of plays off the name of a hate group but just adding the tag to be safe.

"Who makes good chocolate, him or her?" I asked my girlfriend, Shi. Shi said her. Wait, let me quote this correctly...

"Her." - Shi

My wife's running low on frankincense

She needs to order some myrrh.

What kind of pen only works if you write with it from right to left?

An Ara-Bic pen.

I failed to meet the qualifications for the general elections.

Can anyone tell me when the lieutenant elections are held so I can work my way up to them?

I was going to cook alligator tonight…

…but I only have a croc pot.

I was going to cook alligator tonight…

…but I only have a croc pot.

I was going to cook alligator tonight…

…but I only have a croc pot.

Two peanuts were walking down an alley….

One of them got the shit beat out of him.

If you let me shenan once…

You can pretty much bet that I will shenanigan.

WANTED...

Someone to brush my teeth with. Because 9 of out 10 dentist say that brushing alone wont prevent thooth decay. No weirdos please.

My wife says I have heron trouble.

And that I was her only egret.

What is Forest Gump’s favorite pasta?

Penne.

You have to be strong in order to brew a dry champagne.

It requires a lot of brut force.

A person gave away his piano

They were an organ donor!

100 Gorillas vs Chuck Norris.

Submit your own punchline because there are potential thousands.

Non binary gold prospector

They dug up a fortune in them/their hills.

My kid was doing his history homework, and asked me what I knew about Gailieo...

I said " he was a poor boy from a poor family "

A cheese factory in France exploded today

De Brie was everywhere

I’ll see you around

If you don’t turn square

I went to see a fortune teller

However there was a sign in the window that read “closed due to unforeseen circumstances” So I went back the next day. I walked in and said to her: “I want my palm read” So she hit it with a spanner

Made a joke about plane crash today

It didnt land well

There’s a movie coming out about my company’s finance team

It’s pretty good by all accounts

I wrote a book on reverse psychology

I don’t think you should buy it

What is it called when a woman mansplains?

A ma'amogram

Where do bad rainbows go?

They go to prisim, it's a light sentence but it gives them time to reflect.

I don't understand why people hate lazy people

I did'nt even do anything.

What do we call a rat who is 3.14 cm ?

A pi rat

Yeah, a dog pees.

But it also shih tzu.

The Egyptians were good builders …

… up to a point

I made some gumbo yesterday. It wasn't great, but it wasn't awful, either.

It was just mediokra.

I got into an argument with an amputee who said everyone else is so entitled.

I told him he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Why do the numbers 1 through 12 work the hardest?

They're always on the clock.

I was admitted to the hospital last night after an incident at the grocery store.

Several boxes of Kleenex fell off the shelf and hit me in the face. There was a lot of Soft Tissue damage.

I asked a girl for consent

It was a touching proposal.

Photons have mass?

I didn't even know they were Catholic

Did you hear about the scientist that hates negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

I told a friend that our kids get their looks from their Mom

I’ve still got mine!

If your health insurance company ever denies your claim to pay for a wheelchair, try shouting a few insults at them over the phone.

Then they might recognize your diss ability.

What do you call a display of *Great White* sushi?

A Sharkuterie Tray.