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3000+ funny dad jokes good or bad here waiting for you. I tell dad jokes every day, sometimes dad laughs.

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avatar Sir_Pluses 11 day.agoWhere do drug companies grow their product?
The pharm!
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avatar Sir_Pluses 11 day.agoWhat bug always runs away?
A flee!
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avatar in_kent 11 day.agoI just found a nickel on the ground, and I have a feeling I will find a penny later.
It’s my sixth sense.
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avatar Datolite7 11 day.agoMy wife asked me to stop volunteering at a funeral home.
That was the final nail in the coffin...
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avatar Hot_Historian1066 11 day.agoAn infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll have a beer.” The second says “I’ll have half a beer.” The third says “I’ll have a quarter of a beer.”, etc.
The bartender interrupts them, says “I know your limit," and pours them two beers.
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avatar ilikesidehugs 11 day.agoBelieve it or not, even decaying zombies, foul goblins, and festering ghouls have to occasionally go shopping for food.
And usually, that happens at the gross-eerie store.
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avatar turnleftorrightblock 11 day.agoWhat kind of person thrives only in the winter?
Snowman.
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avatar ilikesidehugs 11 day.agoWhat is the difference between whatnot and what
Oh wait…it’s not.
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avatar GiborDesign 11 day.agoEven though I already had little houses for four bee swarms, when a new swarm of bees arrived, I was very excited.
I gave them a Hive five!
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avatar 011011010110110 11 day.agocan i ask you a really vague question?
thanks
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avatar Segador_Adusto 11 day.agoA small pun of my dad
So I was having lunch with my dad and my brother, who was absentmindedly grinding two small jam jars together, making some noise, and the conversation went like this: Dad: you having fun? Me: he's just studying the friction of the jars (for context, my brother is currently studying physics at uni) Dad: oh, so he's doing _science friction_
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avatar NoyaHalabii 11 day.agoI asked my wife to embrace her mistakes
So she hugged me
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avatar OpiniyumLurked 11 day.agoRude girlfriend!
I walked into the room and caught my partner putting on this amazing-smelling body oil. I said, 'Wow, that smells delicious…what is it!?' She smiled sweetly, looked me dead in the eye and immediately told me to leave! Or in her primitive words, "man, go".
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avatar thaliapole 11 day.agoRecently, my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back, I replied
Yes, who do you think it was?
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avatar sirius2492 11 day.agoPeople tell you to listen to your guts....
But they have a problem when you fart loudly.
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avatar Imaginary_Emu7615 11 day.agoI was in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger the closer they get to you
Then it hit me
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avatar AmiraHadixxX 11 day.agoThe other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick.
but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me
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avatar Jche98 11 day.agoDo you know that you can get high from a worn-out knife?
It's a blunt!
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avatar 070420210854 11 day.ago"Daddy, what would you buy if you won a million dollars?"
"Probably a new bum, because mine has got a hole"
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avatar Healthy_Ladder_6198 11 day.agoAt the pearly gates
Two priests died at the same time and met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Our computer's down," said St. Peter. "You'll have to go back for a week, but you can't go back as priests. What'll it be?" The first priest said, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains." "So be it," said St. Peter, and off flew the first priest. The second priest thought for a moment and asked, "Will any of this week count?" "No," said St. Peter. "Well," the priest said, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it," said St. Peter and the second priest also disappeared. A week later, the computer was fixed and the Lord told St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" he asked. "The first one should be easy," said St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove more difficult." "Why?" asked the Lord. "Because he's on a snow tire somewhere in northern Ontario," smiled St. Peter.
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