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3000+ funny dad jokes good or bad here waiting for you. I tell dad jokes every day, sometimes dad laughs.

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avatar edfitz83 1 mon.agoGuy gets out of prison, goes right to the nearest whorehouse, and meets the crusty old Madam
She asked what he wants. He says “I haven’t had a woman in 10 years. I don’t want young, I don’t want pretty. I want a tough woman who can put up with a major ass pounding” The madam says, “Well cowboy, that’s me. Go down the street and get us a 6 pack of longnecks, and meet me in room 7” The guy buys the beer and goes to room 7. The madam is on the bed, totally naked, on her hands and knees, with her asshole facing the door. The guy says, “I thought you wanted to have a few beers first.” She responds, “Well mister, you gotta open them bottles somehow”.
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avatar james_s_docherty 1 mon.agoForestry workers in Scotland have been able to access previously difficult access thanks to bridges borrowed from the Swedish Army. These can be put up and taken down in a few hours...
provided you don't misplace the Allen Key.
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avatar james_s_docherty 1 mon.agoScientists in the UK were excited to receive a sample of The Moon from a Chinese Mission this week. The rocks are rarer than diamonds...
but a lot less impressive to use when proposing.
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avatar Slowloris81 1 mon.agoI had second thoughts about a real estate purchase.
But it’s too late. The deed is done.
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avatar edfitz83 1 mon.agoWhat party appetizers is made from the wombs of hammerheads and great whites?
Shark-uteri.
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avatar Rockisstone 1 mon.agoI asked my mom if she was proud of me.
She told me not to call her “mom” in front of other people!
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avatar ReputedWasherOfRocks 1 mon.agoWhy should you sit in a corner when you're cold?
Because, it is 90 degrees
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avatar kol990 1 mon.agoWhy does the chicken have to cluck twice to find her wrench?
Because she keeps in her two bocks.
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avatar Geography_Matters 1 mon.agoI went to Mongolia Recently
It had it's pros and khans
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avatar user7618 1 mon.agoI heard NASA is launching satellites to say sorry to any aliens that come along.
They're calling it the Apollo G Program.
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avatar soundchapp 1 mon.agoShadows leed guitarest Hank Marvin said that he will not gig in Ireland anymore.
Because every time he'd introduce himself people would offer him a sandwich.
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avatar Meerkat_Mayhem_ 1 mon.agoDid you see that funny movie about bananas? It had a great ending…
Don’t worry I won’t spoil it for you.
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avatar StockInitial4460 1 mon.agoI forgot to pay my annual subscription to Scrabble Club
Now they are sending me threatening letters
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avatar RapeMyFuckingAsshole 1 mon.agoWhy was the chicken itchy?
It had eggzema.
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avatar PortugalDoesntExist 1 mon.agoHow does Lightning McQueen say hello and goodbye to Luigi and Guido?
Ka-ciao.
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avatar PortugalDoesntExist 1 mon.agoI heard DC Comics is going to start their own version of Bitcoin.
They're calling it Krypto-currency.
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avatar rybxn 1 mon.agoWhy did the mathematician quit his job at the bakery?
Because every time he tried to integrate the recipe, the dough kept diverging.
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avatar One-Tomatillo2160 1 mon.agoIf you ever go into an escape room, I have advice.
Just remember, resilience is key.
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avatar Dashover 1 mon.agoI watch a lot of TV
I mean I work remotely
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avatar 1LuckyTexan 1 mon.agoThis morning I rushed into the bathroom and told my mirror 'I have always hated you!'
It replied 'Wow, that just came outta right field.'
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