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2000 Best Dad Jokes for Family Gatherings – Instant Icebreaker!

Need to lighten the mood at family events? These dad jokes are guaranteed to get eye rolls… and laughter! Save this list for your next reunion.

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avatar End_Of_Passion_Play 1 mon.agoA man walked into a library and asked for a book on autofellatio.
The librarian tells him, "We actually do have a book on the subject. It's the one over there, with the broken spine."
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avatar Almustafa_1923 1 mon.agoA teacher, a lawyer and a priest are on a sinking ship.
A crew member yells out "Men and woman on the life boats first." The teacher, all distraught, says "What about the children?" The lawyer replies "Fuck the kids." The priest says "Do you think we have time?"
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avatar Amelia_Bennet 1 mon.agoIf having sex for money makes you a whore...
Then does having sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganisation?
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avatar External_Record3869 1 mon.agoWhen does a dad joke become nsfw?
When it’s “bring your kid to work day”
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avatar BuzzyBug 1 mon.agoWhat’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather; kinky is using the whole chicken.
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avatar BrandyAid 1 mon.agoMy girlfriend said „You only want one thing, and it’s disgusting!“
So I agreed, and told her to wash it more thoroughly.
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avatar Luxodad 1 mon.agoSoccer player's blind date
A famous soccer player, who shall of course remain nameless, got set up to go on a blind date. After an enjoyable evening, although interspersed with tales of his exploits in various games, the player persuaded the lady to park "to see the moon". After some mutual exploration, with more exploits narrated in between kisses, the footballer took the girl's hand, put it on his head, and asked, "Have you ever felt anything like this?" Confused, she shook her head and said, "No." The player informed her, "This is the head that headed the goal that got us through the quarter finals." He then took her hand and put it on his foot. "Have you ever felt anything like this?" Once again, she shook her head and said, "No." "This is the foot that kicked the goal that got us through the semi-finals." Fed up by now, the girl took his hand, put it between her legs, and asked, "Have you ever felt anything like this?" A bit embarrassed and shamefaced, he replied, "Yes, when I missed the penalty in the final."
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avatar OZFox42 1 mon.agoAn unusual cab ride.
A young inebriated woman, who for some reason wasn't wearing any clothes, hopped into a taxi and laid down on the back seat. The cab driver, an older gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at her. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?" The driver answered, "Let me tell you something. I wasn't staring at you like you think; that would be improper." The drunk woman chuckled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or ass, what are you doing?" The driver paused for a moment, then he said: "Well ma'am, I am thinking to myself, where in the hell is this lady keeping the money to pay the fare?"
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avatar senorfancypantalones 1 mon.agoWhats the difference between pink and purple?
The strength of the grip
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avatar wizzardious 1 mon.agoWhat's the difference between being hungry and horney?
The place where you stick the cucumber
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