2000 Best Dad Jokes for Family Gatherings – Instant Icebreaker!

11. "Ahhh! Yoda's little friend you seek!" 10. "Urm. Put a shield on my saber I must." 9. "Feel the force!" 8. "Foreplay, cuddling -- a Jedi craves not these things." 7. "Down here, I am. Find a ladder, I must!" 6. "Do me or do me not -- there is no try." 5. "Early must I rise. Leave now you must!" 4. "Happens to every guy sometimes this does." 3. "When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmmm?" 2. "Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you are! 1. "Who's your Jedi master? WHO'S your Jedi Master?"

Two guy friends were teaching their wives to drive. Few days later, the guys met at a bar for a drink. One asked the other how the wife’s driving practice has been going. “Oh god!, he replied shaking his head, “She has become so obsessed with driving, you wouldn’t believe what she did last night!” “What?” “She dreamt she was driving in the city, grabbed my dick in her sleep and kept saying - first gear, second gear..!” “Oh that’s nothing compared to what my wife did! She dreamt she went to fill up gas, pulled my dick, put it in her coochie and said - full tank please!”

Her three daughters got married at the same time and went off to their honeymoons to different places. All three promised their anxious mother that they will send postcards to let her know how their honeymoon is going. A week goes by and she receives a postcard from her eldest daughter. But it only says the words “Benson & Hedges”. Curious, the mother looks for the cigarette’s advertisement in a magazine and grinned slyly as she read the slogan - Extra large King size: The length you go for pleasure. After another week there is a postcard from her second daughter and it says “Maxwell House Coffee”. With a knowing smile, she read the slogan for the coffee in a magazine - Good till the last drop! While relieved knowing that her two daughters are having a good time, she was somewhat worried about her youngest, until the third postcard finally arrived after a month. It said “British Airways”, the advertisement for which, she gasped as she read, was - 7 days a week, twice daily, both ways each time!

Because they give a good tongue lashing down under!

Wordplay.

All of them are old, grizzled men who had seen their fair share of war, so the Pentagon comes up with a unique bonus system for their service. They can choose two points of their bodies and for every inch between them they would get 10k. First up was the Army general. He chose to measure between the tips of his middle fingers with his arms spread wide. Second was the Air Force, who chose the top of his head to the soles of his feet. Then came the Marine General. "I want you to measure from the tip of my dick to my balls." The men running the measuring laughed and then asked him, seriously, where he wanted to measure. "I am being serious. Now start measuring." The men tried to dissuade him but he was adamant. Finally, resigned, one of the men takes the measuring tape and goes to take the measurement. When the general removed his pants the man jumped up in alarm. "Sir! Where are your balls?!?" "IN VIETNAM!"

You have a gam bling problem.

The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that tiny hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to slip the dying worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from Grandma.

Her partner said: Don't lie, you have never cum in 2 minutes.

Because she found him jerking off with his right hand.