2000 Best Dad Jokes for Family Gatherings – Instant Icebreaker!

and orders a drink. The drink says, “You can’t tell me what to do.”

One says “it’s hot in here”. The other dragon replies “shut your mouth”

“I’m looking for the man who shot my pa”

As they’re about to order, the bartender holds his hand up to stop them and says, “I think I have just the thing for each of you.  Give me a minute.”  He returns in a moment and gives the first two cats each a bowl of milk.  He hands a bowl with a single piece of fur to the third cat. Puzzled, the third cat asks “What’s this supposed to be? Why do you think I’d want a piece of fur?”  The bartender says, “Well, that’s not just any piece of fur, it's the hair of the dog that bit you.”

Shots all around.

He orders a drink (April fools).

And they sit down at the bar and ask the barman for three pints of lager The barman says ‘Certainly… £21.80… Do you know it’s funny, we don’t see many wild zoo animals from the plains of Africa turning up in little local pubs around these parts too often!’ And the elephant piped up ‘no wonder at those prices’

The barkeeper asks: "Do you all want beer?" The first one answers: "I don't know." The second one answers: "I don't know." The third one answers: "Yes!"

The bartender says "I'll have that whiskey and soda ready for you in a jiffy." The pane of glass says ,"How did you know that's what I wanted?" The bartender replies, "I can see right through you."

She grins and says, "Wanna have a competition to see who can pee the highest?" The man smirks. "Alright, but ladies first." The woman steps up, pulls down her pants, leans back with her hands on her hips, and lets loose—her stream reaching chest height on the urinal. The man nods, clearly impressed. "Not bad, but I reckon I can beat that." He unzips, gets ready to aim, when— The woman smirks and says "Nah ah. No hands."