2000 Best Dad Jokes for Family Gatherings – Instant Icebreaker!

"I have a riddle for you. How many pancakes could you eat on an empty stomach?" The blonde ponders for a moment. "I'd say maybe four." "No, you could only eat one, because after that your stomach would no longer be empty!" "Ha, clever!" says the blonde. That evening she's chatting with her husband. "Hey, I heard a good riddle today. How many pancakes could you eat on an empty stomach?" "Hmm, I could probably eat five." "Oh rats!" says the blonde. "If you'd said four, I had a really funny answer!"

He tells the blonde to stick her head out the window and check if the blinker works. The blonde sticks her head out the window says, "yes, no, yes, no, yes.."

That they can't understand them

"Look dad, let's take her to the village and eat her!!!", said the son! "No, son!! We'll take her to the village and eat your mother!!"

The waiter responds, “Excellent choice. And what year?” The blond replies “Well, duh - we want it now!”

A blonde gets pulled over by a cop and he asks to see her driver’s license. The blonde says “What’s that?” The cop replies “Well, it’s a little plastic thing with your face on it.” The blonde goes through her handbag, pulls out a makeup mirror and gives it to the cop. He stares at it for a few seconds and says “Why didn’t you tell me you were a police officer?”

She walks into an Internet café to send an e-mail to her mom back home. She doesn’t know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: “Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mom?” "Sure," he says to her, “But it will cost you.” The blonde says, “Sure I’ll do anything for my mom.” “In that case, follow me.” She follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers. “Well go on then, you said you’d do anything!” So she grabs his penis, holds it up to her mouth and says: “Hello… mom are you there?”

So brunettes can remember them.

The package said "do not bend". Three days later the blonde is still trying to figure out how to pick up the package.

Last year a woman replaced all the windows in her house with those expensive, high efficiency, double paned windows. Today, she got a call from the store saying she hadn’t paid for them. The woman said just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean I’m stupid. Just like your salesman told me, these windows will pay for themselves in one year. Helloooo, it’s been a year, they’re paid for…