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avatar clowncarl 6 mon.agoWomen are refusing to sleep with men now that trump got re-elected
Apparently, my wife predicted the election two years ago! Edit: cause a few of y’all can’t behave in the comments, just a reminder - we Dads respect women and their bodily autonomy.
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avatar Typhann 3 year.agowhy does dracula always bite people in the neck?
Because he's a neck romancer EDIT: getting downvoted, might have been a grave mistake posting here... EDIT 2: getting a lot of upvotes now, I guess the Count is rising
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avatar 3 year.agoMy WiFi password is "writtenontherouter"...
..and I let all my guest walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
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avatar Unashamed_Raven_poo 3 year.agoA man goes to his doctor and says "Doc every time I fart it sounds like the word Honda." the doctor looked him over and sent him to a specialist who also was clueless. So a couple months later the man is at his dentist and he asks if the dentist knows any good doctors and about his odd flatulence.
The Dentist chuckled and said, "Well thank you for telling me, I'll make sure and find your abcessed tooth and remove it." The guy replies "OH how do you know I have an abcess?" The dentist replies "Everyone knows that abcess makes the fart go Honda!"
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avatar Sunstoned1 2 year.agoMy 16yo son was on a long video chat with his girlfriend and wouldn't come out of his room for dinner. I barged in and yelled:
"Son, I got ya that hemroid cream you asked for." He died laughing. His girlfriend died laughing. His girlfriend's mom was on screen in the background, she died laughing. It was a good hit. Glad I he's dating a girl who saw the humor in it.
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avatar thisisboron 3 year.agoHow many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one: they are very efficient and have no sense of humour.
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avatar Divel59 3 year.agoWhat’s the difference between a piano, a tuna fish AND a pot of glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.
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avatar 2 year.agoWhy wasn't Jesus born at a Trump rally?
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
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avatar PickledPhallus 2 year.agoWhats the difference between an american and a computer?
An american doesn't have troubleshooting
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avatar 3 year.agoKarl Marx is a historically famous philosopher but no-one ever mentions his sister,
Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol.
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avatar justshtmypnts 2 year.agoAs an American, it’s sad to see that nothing is made in the USA anymore
I just bought this new TV and it says “Built in Antenna.” I don’t even know where that is.
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avatar porichoygupto 4 year.agoJeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.
They both have a great time.
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avatar SirKermit 3 year.agoMy 4 year old was taking her sweet time getting ready for bed and I said to her "quit stallin!"
She said to me, "I'm not stallin" And I replied, "well, you might be right about that because you're certainly not Russian.' I got nothing... no laughs, even after I thoroughly explained it to her. My daughter has no sense of humor.
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avatar aardvarkyardwork 3 year.agoI was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a raging weed and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.
So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs ‘WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?’ Edit: so happy that one of my home-made dad-jokes is so well-received :) thanks, everyone!
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