3000+ funny dad jokes good or bad here waiting for you. I tell dad jokes every day, sometimes dad laughs.

I said: “No it doesn’t.”

So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink and asks the bartender: -Is Crimea ours? -Yes, it is. -And the Donbas? -Also ours. -Kyiv? -We got that too. Satisfied, he drinks and asks: -Thanks. How much do I owe you? -5 euros.

Free.

You wanna ride bikes?

I would get rid of the marathon. Running 26.2 miles is just crazy! EDIT: thank you for the 100 upvotes! I’m telling my gf I’m famous! 2nd EDIT: I work the night shift at my job and I just woke up to fricken 5.8k arrows pointing up!? This is awesome!! 3rd EDIT: request for a third edit, currently it’s 13:41 (central time) And I’m drinking coffee reading the comments. There’s a lot of people that thinks this is a f1 and or nascar question. 4th EDIT: the celebrity status is overwhelming me. People are stopping me on the streets asking for my autograph and selfies. About to go in for work now. I had to hire a bodyguard to follow me around. Thank you all. This is a blessing and a curse at the same time. If I don’t have a 5th edit later that means a crazy fan has held me captive. 5th EDIT: made it to work safe thank god. Elon musk himself sent me a tweet congratulating me on my accomplishments on Reddit the last 18 hours since this post, also told me to buy a doggy coin or something… anyway I find myself checking my phone every minute reading new comments. The popularity has consumed my mind. I cannot get any work done and the manager on duty is getting upset with me but then I remember I am the manager on duty for the night shift so I’m ok. I’m slowly going crazy for the need for more of those red, pointing up arrow thingys. It’s destroying me.

None reddit protestors don't change anything. Too soon?

Ramen. Took me second, but I was much relieved when I figured it out.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

I am anti-vax and I don’t care what you think. I am absolutely sick and tired of seeing people that are anti-vax getting ridiculed and bullied on Reddit because of their choice. You need to understand we have good reason to feel this way and that by simply attacking us or belittling us will not change our minds. We will not be silenced. I for one will never have another one again. Not a chance in hell, I don’t care what you say to try and convince me, I’ve fallen for that trap too many times before. They are absolutely the worst brand of vacuum cleaner ever. It’s Hoover or Dyson all the way for me!

I'll return.

Me: Hi preganant, I'm dad! Wife: No you're not.

1

The Quaranteens

Country.

It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz.

… Sudden Lee

Fresh Prints!

http://imgur.com/a/3XNNs Got some of them from here

I said "No it doesn't"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."