2000 Best Dad Jokes for Family Gatherings – Instant Icebreaker!

Checking guest Wifi-s and one called BBW-Guest-Wifi pops up in a Torrid store. It was for the Bath and BodyWorks next door 🤦‍♂️

I’m about to go into a fertility clinic for IUI. That means I will press a plunger that inserts my semen into my wife. I want a punchline for when I press the plunger. Current front-runners: Yahtzee Was it good for you? Want a cigarette? See you in 9 months.

Hold on to your nuts! This is more than your average blowjob

He say to his flatmate: "Hey did you just hear the news?" FM: "No, what's happened?" Him: "That actress that you like got stabbed!!" FM: "Oh, thanks that really narrows it down, I like a lot of actresses. What is her name?!" "Him: I can't remember now..... Oh it was Ree, Rise, Rice, HAH I remember now it's Reese... something" FM: "Witherspoon??" Him: "Nah, with a knife, you dick" (No Reese Witherspoons where harmed in retelling this (old) joke)

He asked him: "Daddy, what is sex?" His father was surprised that he would ask such a question, but decided that if he is old enough to ask, then he is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell him all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, his young son looked at him with his mouth hanging open. "Why did you ask this question?" His father asked him. The boy replied, "Well mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.

that I keep my girlfriend happy in a long distance relationship!

He walks in and the madam asks him how old he is, and he replies that it's his 16th birthday. She tells him that he's not old enough and to come back when he's 18, and to start practicing by fucking squirrel holes. So, this guy starts banging squirrel holes all summer, all winter, and gets really good at it. He returns to the whorehouse on his 17th birthday, thinking she won't recognize him, or care, because he looks much older now. The madam asks him again how old he is, he replies 17. She told him not to come back until he's 18 and to keep fucking squirrel holes for practice. He puts his heart and soul into fucking squirrel holes for another year and returns to the whorehouse on his 18th birthday. The madam tells him to go upstairs to room 6, her name is Cindy. About three minutes later Cindy starts screaming for help. The madam runs upstairs and kicks the door in and sees the birthday boy with a broomstick in his hand. She asks him what the hell he's doing, and he says "I'm checking these damn holes for squirrels first"

I've told him it's asinine. Boobs a seven and face an eight.

Death Stroke