2000 Best Dad Jokes for Family Gatherings – Instant Icebreaker!

He notices Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on the rooftop of a luxurious hotel suite, so he thinks to himself; "Hmm, if I can fly faster than the speed of light, I can probably have sex with her and she won't even know what happened!" He swoops down to where she is, does the deed, then flies away with a big smile. Startled, Wonder Woman says, "What the hell was that?" "I don't know but my ass hurts," replied The Invisible Man.

The idea was you had to dress up as an emotion. The doorbell rings, and at the door was a guy dressed completely in blue. "What emotion are you supposed to be?" I asked. "Blue." He said, "I'm sad." Doorbell rings again a few minutes later, and there was a woman completely in green. "What emotion are you supposed to be?" I asked. "Green - I'm green with envy." She said. A few minutes later, the doorbell rings again. Standing there was a guy, completely naked, with a broken bottle up his ass. "Uh. What emotion are you supposed to be?" I asked. "Oh, me? I'm just fucking disgusting."

A flappuccino.

A square root.

Because seven was a known six offender.

I told them how how I found this girl tied to a rail track. Being a gentleman, I untied her and took her back to my place. They stared at me in awe as I recounted the evening. We had the best night and made passionate love over and again. In every room of the house. One of my friends said: "Wow man. That's amazing. What did she look like?" "I don't know." I said. "I never did find the head."

Person 1: "My Ass"

Me :: "Ok, this isn't working out."

I told him to dump her and get a hotter one

Inside, was an unattractive, overweight woman, sitting on her sleeping bag, smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. The man, concerned he was soaking wet and likely to catch a cold, peeked into the open tent-flap. "Excuse me ma'am, it's raining out here, mind if I come in to get out of the rain for a little while?" "Sure," the woman replied, "On one condition. No funny business." The man agreed and entered the tent. He sat down on the sleeping bag next to her. A few minutes later, the woman let out a loud fart. "1:0," she said. Five minutes went by, she ripped off another one, "2:0." The man was curious. "Ma'am, why are you farting then giving out the score?" The woman responded, "I'm a bit bored, there's not much to do, so I thought I'd start a farting competition." "Sounds like you're winning," said the man. He decided to beat her at her own game, and let out a massively loud fart which shook the tent. "2:1," he said, ripping off another one, "2:2." She looked at him, somewhat impressed, "You're fucking good at this!" Determined to win, she ripped off another fart, only this time she ended up shitting the sleeping bag. She blew a whistle, and said, "Half-time, change sides."