OZFox42 14 day.agoWedding night woe...On the night of their honeymoon, a newlywed couple had an unfortunate accident, resulting in the amputation of the groom's left foot.
Unable to control her grief, the bride calls her mother from the hospital. "Mom," she sobs, "my husband has only one foot."
The mother, trying to console her daughter, says, "That's alright dear, your father only has six inches."
Dark_Sage_316 13 day.agoA person with a terminal sickness had a friend named "seven"...so seven asked the person if he had any final desires. the person stayed quiet for a while, and then said that he always wanted to take a trip to the beach. So seven worked hard and saved up money for the trip, after multiple jobs and 2-3 weeks of overtime he finally collected the money and tickets. They went to the beach, booked a resort, had as much as fun as they could. But as the sun was about to set, the person suddenly fell and coughed up blood. Seven came close and was crying and screaming for help, when the person with his dying breath said "This was my final fantasy, seven"
Luxodad 14 day.agoPaying guestA man, about 80, goes to his doctor for a checkup because he is planning to get married.
After congratulations and a clean bill of health, the doctor asks about his fiancée. The old man shows him a photo of a very beautiful, mid-twenties young lady.
Thinking his patient might not be able to keep up with the physical stress of married life, he says, "I think you should consider getting a paying guest to keep your wife company while you have your regular naps." The patient agrees.
Months later, the doctor bumps into the old man and asks, "How is married life?"
The patient says, "Congratulate me, doctor. My wife is pregnant."
The doctor congratulates him, and asks, "And did you take my advice about the paying guest?"
"I certainly did, doctor. Thank you for that advice."
"I see it worked out then," said the doctor, trying hard to hide his smile.
"Oh yes, it did. She's pregnant too."
boxfullofirony 14 day.agoMy neighborI live next to an old man who clearly has advanced dementia.
Every morning when I leave for work he asks me if I've seen his wife, and I have to tell him she died ten years ago.
My girlfriend says why don't you just move away so you don't have to go through this every morning?
I tell her I would miss the smile he gives me every morning when he hears it.
morgothan 14 day.agoA frog walks into a bank to get a loanThe frog goes up to the teller and see's the nametag on the counter says Whack.
Frog: "Hi Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan".
Teller: "Sure we can do that, just need to know a few things, first what's your name?"
Frog: "Kermit"
Teller: "You're not Kermit the frog"
Frog: "No, I get that a lot. I'm named after him, but my name is Kermit Jagger, Mick Jagger is my dad, and my mom is Kermit's cousin."
Teller: "What collateral do you have?"
The frog pulls out a small porcelain elephant and hand it to her.
Teller: "I don't know about this, I'll have to check with the bank manager"
The teller goes to the bank managers office and knocks on the door.
Manager: "Yes Patty"
Teller: "I've got this From, Kermit Jagger who is looking to get a loan, and he says he can use this for collateral. Any idea what it is and if we can use it?"
Manager: "Let me see this. Ahh yes. This is a nick knack Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man is a rolling stone"
