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avatar dayruined54 2 day.agoA drunk man comes home late one night.
Not wanting to wake his wife up he tiptoes up the stairs swaying right and left with shoes in his hand. He loses his balance and falls right onto his ass from the stairs and he happened to have those small glass bottles in his back pocket and they cut him up pretty bad. He is hurting and somehow manages to find some band-aids in the cabinet and he applies them on his wounds by looking into the mirror. The next morning his wife wakes him up and says that she knows he was drunk last night. Perplexed he asks her how she knew about it. She replies,"There were band aids stuck on the mirror."
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avatar mfishing 2 day.agoPickle Puns
My daughter, she’s addicted to pickles, it’s a real sour situation. I don’t know how to dill with it. Seeing children without this addiction makes me green with envy, eventually, I think she’ll be vine.
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avatar lucifusmephisto 2 day.agoAfter I changed a customer's password to reference the Top Gun soundtrack, my manager asked me...
"Can he log ins?"
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avatar uriahneedsausername 2 day.agoWhat might a gardener call his trusty hand-fitted plow?
His homi
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avatar Ok_Zombie_8354 2 day.agoWent to therapy with my emotional support goat...
But I couldn't get a word out...he was always butting in!
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avatar Healthy_Ladder_6198 2 day.agoAnd then there was the time I was visiting my cousin Scottie just after Halloween and her little granddaughter was sitting on the couch screaming at her basket of candy so I asked her, “What’s up with all the noise?”
she said, “ I’m giving a shoutout to my peeps!”
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avatar Healthy_Ladder_6198 2 day.agohave you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle?
It has an X-O-skeleton.
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avatar Yokelele 2 day.agoHave you heard about the German adaptation of a popular video game?
They’re calling it Meincraft!
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avatar SonOfWestminster 2 day.agoWhat do you call a Pikachu that plays the accordion?
A Polkamon!
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avatar Jeff7760 2 day.agoWhat did Aladdin do after he broke Princess Jasmine's globe?
He bought her a Whole New World.
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avatar icecream_dragon 2 day.agoWhat mouthwash brand causes severe burns when it touches your skin?
Blisterine
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avatar Joker King 2 day.agoDo you know what type of math birds like best?
Owlgebra!
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avatar Joker King 2 day.ago Do you know which tree is the math teacher’s favorite?
Geometry!
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avatar Joker King 2 day.ago There was once a talking sheepdog. He ran up to the farmer and said “All 70 sheep are in the pen.”
The farmer said, “But I only counted 67!” The sheepdog said “Yeah, but I rounded them up!”
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avatar Joker King 2 day.ago What’s the best way to get a math tutor?
An add!
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avatar Joker King 2 day.agoA teacher asked her student “Why are you doing math on the floor?”
The student answered, “You told us not to use any tables!”
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avatar Joker King 2 day.agoThe minus sign was talking to the positive sign.
The minus sign asked, “Are you sure I make a difference?” and the other sign said “I’m positive!”
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avatar Joker King 2 day.agoWhy did the girl always wear glasses when doing math?
It improved her division!
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avatar Joker King 2 day.agoIf you’re cold, go to the corner of the room.
It’s 90 degrees there!
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avatar Joker King 2 day.agoDid you hear what the 0 said to the 8?
Nice belt!
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