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avatar jezfm 1 day.agoI came first at the tanning Olympics
I won bronze
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avatar harryharhar9 1 day.agoRemember when air for your tyres was free? Now it's 50p.
That’s inflation for you.
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avatar Bbew_Mot 1 day.agoI walked into a church yesterday and all of the pews were covered in saliva.
It must have been Catho-lick!
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avatar Physical-Diamond-824 1 day.agoMy therapist says I’m always fixating on revenge.
We’ll see about that.
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avatar Physical-Diamond-824 1 day.agoI didn’t do well at school
I failed maths so many times, I can’t even count.
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avatar NobodySure9375 1 day.agoI've had difficulty shaving my mustache this morning. Turns out the razor was dull.
Much like your life.
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avatar AdUnlikely75 1 day.agoWhat do fish believe in?
Cod
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avatar Blastwing 1 day.agoI did my federal election run in Canada today
I didn’t earn a single seat.. just few blisters on my feet
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avatar KingUnderTheMoon 2 day.agoPencil and Pen
If you mix a pencil and a pen, is it a Penstill?
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avatar BrandyAid 2 day.agoMath is hard, 15+15 is thirty…
But 16+16 is thirty too
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avatar ludvigvanb 2 day.agoMy friend has been strange lately and now he says he's convinced that the Earth is flat!
I see that he's just not a baller anymore.
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avatar Ahmed_Almaddah 2 day.agoMath is hard
15+15=thirty but 16+16=thirty too
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avatar mole555 2 day.agoI gave all my dead batteries away today
Free of charge
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avatar mole555 2 day.agoA jumper cable walks into a bar…
The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
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avatar norrisdt 2 day.agoIf you tickle a dad to death….
You’re liable to get arrested for mans laughter.
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avatar alanmitch34 2 day.agoA little know law of the monarchy. When a king is just one foot tall....
He is known simply as a ruler
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avatar Old-Assignment-1458 2 day.agoDid you hear?
They won’t be making yardsticks any longer.
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avatar drewpyqb 2 day.agoI once knew a guy with a speech impediment. He'd add "s" to words randomly.
He was a server for a brief time, but it didn't work out. Patrons with certain dietary requirements would come in and next thing you know he's telling them the food they are about to eat is, indeed, 100% vegans.
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avatar yerguyses 2 day.agoTalented shrimp
You mean to tell me a shrimp fried this rice?!
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avatar Slaureto 2 day.agoLadies. Mansplaining is short for…
Man explaining.
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