A vegan US platoon in Vietnam could only safely eat canned beans during their deployment. What matching tattoo did they get? “Rippin’ Farts and Breaking Hearts”

I guess you had to be there

A meow-ntain.

During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis...... fifty times."

It was farfetched.

Not all sociopaths harm people.

It's a free country.

They are both quacks.

Where do you work? I work at NASA NASA? What do you do there? I study Uranus. It's my dream job. Wait! I thought you were a proctologist? Exactly.

Sasquats, yeti never misses leg day.

The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breasts." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yards. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway...about 15 ft. "That was great," the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!"

The man asked his friend: “How’s your back?” Friend: “Better…” Man, shocked: “Better?” Friend: “Better not ask!”

What a huge waist!

Run to the DMZ

Two of his most loyal servants found the body, with a sword in the king's chest. One the servants turns to the other and says "Wow, he must have had a bad knight."

It was IHOP

He told me to "Fuck off" and walked out of the men's toilets.

I saw a homeless woman on the street when I was walking home one day with my friend I said to my friend, "God! I just wish I could take her home!" I guess I said it a little too loudly, because she walked over and said, smiling, "Excuse me, but I overheard you and... Yes, you can." Now, her expression quickly changed when she saw me dismantling her tent.

..after having it to celebrate 4/20, the "e" and "i" in resin change places, and you start believing.

Except, of course, on Palm Sunday