She's old enough to order 12 fascinating issues of Zoobooks for $19.95 if she calls 1-800-441-2400. When she calls, they'll include the bonus Elephants issue, stickers, and Tiger Poster with her order.

There were a lot of red flags.

Measles

He thinks to himself that as he is faster than a speeding bullet he can do his business with her and fly off before she knows it. He toys with the idea and decides to go for it. He swoops down fucks her with lightning thrusts and zooms off in a flash. The whole event lasts less than a second. As soon as he's gone wonder woman gasps, sits up and yells "what the hell was that?!" "I don't know but my ass hurts like hell" replies the invisible Man

You say "Please get out of the pool."

But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. EDIT: epic

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !" "Thanks dad !" "No problem Alan"

Canada and Mexico.

The first mathematician orders a beer The second orders half a beer "I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies "Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 "What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous." "Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along" "There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to." "But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-" "I know how limits work" interjects the bartender "Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics" "Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?" "HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade. The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA" The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!" The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish. A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?" "It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned." - Leviticus 20:13 ESV

There would be mass confusion.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”. God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232”. After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, “This goes higher up than we thought”.

1. Get up at 5:00AM every day 2. 90 minutes of cardio 3. Take a cold shower 4. Journal 5. Schedule out your day 6. Dad owns Fortune 500 company 7. Meditate

Because Trump always pay off the people he's fucked.

And then I picked the movie and pizza I wanted because I'm the one with the money.

Church Edit: Holy shit. On the front page of reddit. Well this blew up overnight... Thanks for the golds! I really don't deserve this.

I don’t have 2020 vision This is the only day you can upvote this EDIT: Thank you sm for r/all ! Happy New Years!

[This guy.](http://www.reddit.com/user/me)

Why do they put fences around cemetery’s? Because people are dying to get in. I told my daughters this joke years ago and told them it was from my dad. I want a joke that I can make at his funeral to my children in his honor. Can you help me out?

Downvote this post if you have the big gay