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avatar AtumTheCreator 13 day.agoWhile on vacation in Israel...
While on vacation in Israel, an American wife asks her husband, "If, I die here and it costs $30,000 to fly me home and bury me, or $2,000 dollars to bury me here, what would you do?" To which the husband replies, "Well, I'd fly you home and bury you there." "Why would you spend the extra money," she gasps. "Well, because the only person I know that died in Israel, rose again 3 days later." >!Happy Good Friday & Easter yall!!<
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avatar YesterdayFront2831 13 day.agoWhat has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters.
but never has 5 letters.
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avatar Red-Leader-001 12 day.agoHow is the Enterprise (from Star Trek) like toilet paper?
They both go around Uranus and chase Klingons
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avatar TabooDiver 12 day.agoYou mama so fat she had a fur coat made out of squirrels...
And then they went on the endangered species list.
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avatar Banned_Opinions 14 day.agoAn elderly woman on a walker enters a sex shop...
She heads over to the guy at the register and says, "D...d....dddddoo you sell any d...ddd...dildos?" He says, "Uh, yes ma'am we do." She replies, "D.dd..dd.do you have any dd.ddd.ddd..dd dildos that are p...ppp....pp..pink and t..t..tte. ten inches long?" "Uh, yes ma'am we do." "Well h...hhhh.how in the ffff...f.fff..fuck do you t.tttt.turn it off?"
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avatar gilfromisrael 12 day.agoThe other day I saw a beautiful house with a big sign: TO LET
When I got inside, it turned out to be a TOILET.
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avatar Hullfella 13 day.agoMy partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight.
I told her that she definitely had
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avatar sideshowbvo 13 day.agoI named my cat Dwayne Johnson
I just tell everyone I have a pet Rock
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avatar Sonicmixmaster 14 day.agoA little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I looked in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh, well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?!?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"
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avatar OpenScore 13 day.agoEngineers have invented a car that runs on parsley...
Now they're experimenting with busses, trains and airplanes to run on thyme!
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avatar sudobee 12 day.agoWhat is the best kind of plant?
Bezos faceplant.
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avatar bourbonpens 14 day.agoAt my last job interview, I was asked what my greatest weakness was, and I said "honesty."
The interviewer said, "I don't think honesty is a weakness." I replied, "I don't give a fuck what you think!"
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avatar D4zzl 13 day.agoWhat's blue and fucks old people?
Hypothermia.
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avatar Dangerous-Aspect2463 12 day.agoI should just hurry out of the elevator and not bother flirting with this woman i'm alone here with
She's drop dead gorgeous, has great style and I just cut a deadly silent one.
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avatar RibaldPancake 13 day.agoTo save money, my friend combined his brew pub and massage parlor businesses.
The new company is called “Hoppy Endings”
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