could_use_a_snack 8 day.agoLast year I shared my favorite joke on my Cake Day. This year I'll share my second favorite.There are two chickens standing on the side of the road pecking around for food. Chicken 1 asks chicken 2, "what do you think is on the other side of the road"
Chicken 2 looks over, shrugs and says "who knows. But if you're interested why don't you walk over there and see"
Chicken 1 decide this is a good idea and wanders over. When she gets there she looks around a bit and starts scratching and pecking around.
After a few minutes chicken 2 looks across and yells out "hey! So? What's on the other side of the road?"
Chicken 1 looks back at her companion, tips her head to one side and shouts back "you're on the other side!"
Mobile_Role_3381 8 day.agoA man is walking through the parkWhen he gets to an area with chess tables he sees a guy playing a dog. Amazed he runs over and exclaims:
“That’s amazing ! Your dog can play chess!?!”
The man hardly looks up from his game and says,
“It’s really not amazing at all.”
“How the hell is a chess playing dog not the most incredible thing ever?!”
Annoyed the man replies,
“He loses 9 out of the 10 times we play.”
senguku 7 day.agoA chat with a little girl on her porch...A man was walking past a house when he saw a little girl sitting on the front porch, playing with a little puppy.
He paused to say hello. "Hi there," he said. "What's your name?"
She replied in a sweet, high-pitched voice, "My name's Petal."
"That's a beautiful name," the man commented. "How did your parents choose it?"
She explained, "Well, when Mummy and Daddy were... *making me*... they looked out the window and saw a beautiful rose petal float by. So they named me Petal."
"Wow, that's a lovely story," the man said. "And a very pretty name." He then gestured to the puppy. "And what's your puppy's name?"
The little girl beamed, "His name is Porky!"
The man chuckled. "Porky? That's an... interesting name. Why do you call him Porky?"
The little girl replied "Because he fucks pigs."
Gullible_Base_1644 7 day.agoIn a tragic accident last week, a truck carrying a shipment of thesauruses collided with a tanker truck, causing several million dollars of damage to nearby vehicles and buildings, killing 3 people, and injuring a dozen more.Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
OZFox42 8 day.agoAn unusual cab ride.A young inebriated woman, who for some reason wasn't wearing any clothes, hopped into a taxi and laid down on the back seat.
The cab driver, an older gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at her.
He made no attempt to start the cab.
The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"
The driver answered, "Let me tell you something. I wasn't staring at you like you think; that would be improper."
The drunk woman chuckled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or ass, what are you doing?"
The driver paused for a moment, then he said:
"Well ma'am, I am thinking to myself, where in the hell is this lady keeping the money to pay the fare?"
madame_shrimp 9 day.agoA woman was going to church, but her car unexpectedly broke down, so she called an Uber.
When the Uber arrived she got into the car and, deciding to make small talk, she asked the driver a question, but he didn’t answer.
Curiously, she tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention and he let out a blood curdling scream. He jerked the car to the shoulder of the road and the car came to a hard stop as he slammed on the brakes.
They both gasped in shock from what just happened. The woman caught her breath and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that touching you on the shoulder would scare you.”
The driver replied, “It’s not your fault. This is my first time driving an Uber. For the past twenty-five years I’ve been driving hearses.”
