Guy gets out of prison, goes right to the nearest whorehouse, and meets the crusty old Madam

One day Dirty Ernie's teacher tells the class that they are going to play a spelling review game. " We are going to go through the ABCs in order and I will call on person to say a word that starts with each letter. Let's start with A." All the hands in the classroom shoot up, including Ernie's. *He's going to say asshole* the teacher thinks to herself. She calls on Martha. "Apple!" "Good job Martha! Now how about B?" Again all the hands go up, and Ernie's is the highest. *He's going to say bitch or bastard* she thinks. She calls on Ryan. "Basketball!" "Good job Ryan!" They continue playing, and with each letter, Ernie raises his hand; and with each letter, the teacher refuses to call on him. Finally they get to the letter R and no one is raising their hand except Ernie. *Hmmm I can't think of anything that bad that start with R.* "Okay Ernie, what is it?" "Rat" he says "Oh, yes. Good job Ernie. Rat does start wi-" "A big fuckin rat with a cock this big!"

But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it

A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne. The woman said : "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne." "What a coincidence," said the farmer, who added, "It is a special day for me. I am celebrating" "It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" said the woman "What a coincidence." said the farmer. While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynaecologist told me that I was pregnant." "What a coincidence," said the man. "I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilised eggs." "This is amazing," said the woman. "What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?" "I used a different rooster," he said. She smiled and said... "What a coincidence!"

Little Orphan Ani.

The monsignor gave him a bit of advice. "Just take some vodka up in your water glass and take a sip when you're nervous". So the priest did just that. He had a fair few sips but seemed to get through it alright with confidence to spare. After mass he asked the monsignor how he did. The monsignor replied, "You didn't seem nervous at all but there are a few things, though. There are ten commandments; not twelve. And twelve apostles; not ten. We say that David slew Goliath; not that he kicked the shit out of him. Jesus said 'take this and eat'; not 'eat me'. And as for the announcements, there's a *taffy* pull at Saint Peter's".

Poor guy

Because he has little patients

Because he doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin wear such a colorful suit? Because Batman doesn't want to get shot.

The first few days were the hardest