funny jokes for you Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

Miraster 4 year.agoScarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was... At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody else in the island... He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier... it was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, she noticed this... One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her successfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they where for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life. But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed... "What's wrong?" Scarlett Johansson asked, "Nothing..." the guy would say... She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn't asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him... "Really?, you'll do anything I'd like?" "yes" she said "anything!" "ok, first i want you to take off you toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore" "ok..." "now put this shirt on please, but first, "tape" your boobs so they are flat" "wha... ok, I'd say I'd do anything" she said lovingly. "ok, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it" She was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat. "Now id like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache" "ok... if this is what you want..." she muttered. "now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach I'll catch up to you in a bit", he said a bit excited... She started walking... wondering... doubting herself... just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn't her, maybe it was h... suddenly the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: "DUDE!!! you won't believe who I've been fucking for the past 6 months!"

nsfw

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funny dad jokes

1. whatsapp group chat reboot.anything goes (dont be a bitch)

https://chat.whatsapp.com/FPNFkjuMG8u3EcJS2DDZcy

2. My Jewish girlfriend got fired from her job because she was always getting distracted.

So I sent her to a concentration camp.

3. What do you call a group of black women?

A farmer's toolshed. (If you didn’t get it it’s because they’re hoes)

4. It’s a shame automatic rifles are banned

Now I have to pull the trigger every time I see a kid.

5. What do Californian feminists and Middle-eastern feminists have in common?

They both get stoned.

6. What’s the difference between pizza and Jews?

Pizza didn’t do 9/11

7. What does a baby look like when you hit it with a lawn mower?

I dont know-i close my eyes when I cum

8. How do you kill a Briton?

Poison his tea and hide the antidote in a tube of toothpaste.

9. Why are priests called Father?

Because it's too suspicious to call them Daddy.

10. Whats the difference between Santa clause and a jew?

Santa goes DOWN the chimney

11. Grammar.

The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

12. What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead negro in the road?

The dead dog has skid marks in front of it

13. Disappointment

running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose first

14. Talk dirty to me

I'm gonna get you wetter than a spastics chin

15. Why are most North Koreans left handed?

Because they have no rights.

16. I was having rough sex with my German girlfriend

For some reason she kept screaming her age instead of the correct safeword

17. What’s the difference between you and me?

I am not a meth head.

18. I thought of making a groping joke

In the end I didn’t. It’s a touchy subject

19. A Chinese man was eating some eggroll, but was short the equivalent of one cent.

He said, “I'll give you my girl! Hopefully that will be enough to cover it!” The restaurant got him arrested anyway since girls are worthless in China.

20. What kind of punch can kill 6 adults and 20 children?

A Sandy Hook.

21. What’s in a seven-course meal in Ireland?

A six-pack of beer and a potato.

22. An obese women told me a joke.

I didn't laugh but the floor was cracking up

23. What do you call a black astronaut?

Coon on the moon

24. What do you call kids outside of a school zone?

Speed bumps

25. All feminists are lesbians but..

All lesbians are feminists

26. What kind of martial arts do people with Down syndrome and an amputated leg practice?

Partial arts

27. Why did the black boy fall off his bike? He didn't. He fell off your bike.

28. What type of music are homeless people unable to hear?

House music.

29. I like my women how i like my deer

Usually found dead on the side of the road

30. How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck its cock.

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