Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Lu10netLipton 4 year.agoThis joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” MartlingA husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.” After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s no way you’re fucking me in the ass!” “Alright then, guess you’re sucking my cock.” So she starts to suck him off and quickly spits it out and looks up at him. “Your dick tastes like shit!” “Yeah well, the dogs didn’t want to go hunting either.” Author’s Notes: WOW! Never thought this would get this much feedback. A few clarifications for anyone asking: 1. I was in the back end of the kitchen with a fellow cook during a quieter lunch hour when this happened. The place I was working at had been opened less than a month. We had been swapping jokes for a bit before I let this one loose and instead of it being muffled by the sounds of the deep fryer, grill, etc., it was projected out into the main seating area through the ticket window like a speaker. 2. A customer was the one who ultimately complained to the manager and I was gracefully fired the following day when I walked in to start my shift. I had come from working at a bar previously, so the fact that more sensitive people/families were the ones showing up completely slipped my mind as I was in the back cracking joke with the other chef (a 10+ year veteran of the industry.)The owner was pretty cool with everything all things considered, but explained that they just couldn’t take the risk of something else happening. I even got to say goodbye to everyone before I left, including the head chef who originally hired me, and everyone was really supportive and understanding. 3. I got a new job shortly after in a warehouse and have been much better off since. I make more money, work less hours, have actual benefits and my bosses are WAY less uptight due to the nature of the job. It was the strangest blessing in disguise I’ve ever received as I don’t know how much longer I wouldn’t lasted in the food industry either way. So in the end, everything worked out.
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You get a sandwich maker and a punching bag all in one.
One day the daughter prostitute comes home. "I just got $40 for a blowjob!" she says. "Thats ridiculous!" says the mother whore, "back in my day I only got $20 dollars for a blowjob!" The grandmother hooker pipes up and says "$20?! back in my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"
Within a few minutes an airplane was about to crash. There were four passengers on board, but only three parachutes. The first passenger : I am Russel Westbrook, the best basketball player. The Oklahoma city and my millions of fans need me, so I can’t afford to die. He took the first pack and jumped out of the plane. The second passenger, Donald Trump : I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest president in American history, so my people don’t want me to die. He took the second pack and jumped out of the plane as well. The third passenger, the Pope, said to the fourth passenger, a 10 year-old schoolboy : My son, I am old and I don’t have very many years left, you have plenty of years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute. The little boy : That’s okay, Your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for you. America’s smartest president took my schoolbag.
I really don't know, because there's different ways to look at it: - Optimism: The glass is half full. - Pessimism: The glass is half empty. - Feminism: The glass is raping me.
But not me, I live next to two really hot ten year old's.
You don't need to come out to your father.
They both serve battered clams.
too close to the gas chamber
Because their favorite part is when the hooker returns the money.
On the TV, a suicidal man is on top of a building, threatening to jump. The blonde turns to the brunette and goes "I bet you 50 bucks he doesn't jump". Without hesitating, the brunette takes that bet and right after, sure enough, the man jumps. The blonde hands the brunette the 50 bucks, but the brunette replies, "I'm sorry, I feel bad, I can't take your money as I already saw this on the 5:00 news". The blonde replies back, "So did I - I just didn't think he would do it again".
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9.
I added Paul walker on Xbox, but he spends all his time on the dashboard.
- You ladies from Scotland? - It's Wales you asshole. - Ohh I'm sorry, you whales from Scotland?
Grandpa does the frog noises, then asks his grandson why he brought it up. "Because I heard mommy and daddy say that when you croak we can fuck off to Disneyland!"
"I'm not good with kids, I'm not going to lie. Hell, a couple of months ago I dropped my cousins baby... Flat out, dropped my cousins baby on the ground. I don't feel like that was my fault. I don't feel responsible for that one. I mean, who in their right mind asks me, Anthony Jeselnik, to be a pall bearer?"
Because the whole state is inbred.
I don't know. But it gathers cotton very fast.
Similar to the World Trade Center. There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s too sensitive of a subject to discuss.
It's because we are simply better at everything
Jews don't pay for anything.
So that they know what it's like to live with an irritable cunt.
His-panic attacks.
What is the favorite festival of an orphan child? NeverSEEa my parents
But they can say other things like "Hi, Dad" or "Thanks for the warning, officer"
You don't peel the crust off a pizza before you eat it
And an old trucker pulls over to give the hitcher a ride. After about 10 minutes of silence, the gender fluid person asks "Well, aren't you curious if I'm a boy or a girl?" And the old trucker says "Not really, I'm gunna fuck ya either way."
There's no steering wheel at the back of the bus
No chance of stopping an uppercut.
They could’ve used the wheels for a bike for a normal kid.
Steven Hawking in a house fire.
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