Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
imjustthat1girl 5 year.agoThere's a lady who is cheating on her husband. One day while they are having sex she hears her husband pull into the driveway. Her boyfriend says "oh no! What should we do?!" She says "hurry! Get dressed and go to the living room!" Once they're in the living room she starts sprinkling baby powder all over him. He says "what are you doing?" She says "I'm making you white like a statue. Just stand in a pose, my husband will never know you're real, because he's stupid!" Her husband comes in and sees them and says to her "what's that?" She says "Well, me and Mrs. Johnson next door went shopping today. She has one just like it. I liked hers so much that she took me to get one." He shrugs it off and goes about his business. That night the boyfriend is still standing in the living room still posed, too afraid to escape. He hears the husband wake up and open the bedroom door. The husband walks past him, opens the fridge, pops open a beer and makes a bologna sandwich. He then walks up to the boyfriend and hands him the beer and sandwich and says "Here, I was next door at Mrs.Johnson's house stuck in that position for 2 days and no one gave me anything to eat." *Edit: Fixed some of the grammatical errors- sorry its not much better- i'm tired. **Wow, did not expect this to get so much attention! Thanks for the upvotes!!
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Can anyone tell me when the lieutenant elections are held so I can work my way up to them?
…but I only have a croc pot.
…but I only have a croc pot.
…but I only have a croc pot.
I told him "that's ok I'll masturbate on Drake instead"
One of them got the shit beat out of him.
We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." “Oh, yes,” she says, "I remember it well." “Okay,” he replies, "How about taking a stroll around again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle, he thinks to himself, ‘I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them and make sure there's no trouble.’ So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, ‘this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.’ As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.”
The salesman said their devices range in price from $1 to $2000. The man expressed interest in the one that costs $1. The salesman handed him the device and said, "just put this button in your ear and let the wire hang down into your pocket". The man asked, " how does it work? " The salesman replied, "oh, it doesn't work at all. But once people see it, they'll shout so loud you won't need it anyways!"
A Tun-nel
You can pretty much bet that I will shenanigan.
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