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avatar Assfries 5 year.agoA child molestor and a little boy are walking into the forest

Their going going deeper and deeper, and it’s getting darker and darker. The little boy turns to the child molestor and says Geee mister, it sure is scary in here. The child molestor says,” You think you’re scared, I gotta walk out of here alone.

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. I just found out they are putting up a theatrical production tour of George Orwell's Animal Farm.

If you missed the showing in Seattle, don't worry, you can still catch it in Atlanta, Minneapolis, NY, Portland, and More TBD.

2. "Knock knock"who's there? "It's dave" dave who?

It was then that dave found out that his wife who had Alzheimer's had progressed so badly that she forgot her husband

3. "Non-Stop Making Suicidal Jokes!!!"

"Me-Don't Worry, It'll End Soon." "Me-Ok, Ok, That's The Last One fr." Next Week- Everyone, Crying, In The Graveyard.

4. How can you tell when an idiot's depressed?

Go stand in front of a mirror

5. What's my favorite place to purchase Chinese Finger Traps?

An adoption agency

6. The devil went down to Tennessee

On an unrelated note, Charlie Daniels wasn’t that good at the violin.

7. What happens when a bigger person falls to the ground?

An earthquake.

8. Packers

A couple named Lola and Arnie go to fertility clinic for help conceiving. doctor takes Lola's height and weight and says you're 6 ft 1, 295 lb. You're big enough to play with Green Bay's Packers. Lola says I'd never do that! I don't play with anybody's packer but Arnie's!

9. For sale:

baby shoes, never worn

10. What’s 3 feet tall and can’t walk through a doorway

A baby with a spear through its head.

11. French assault rifle for sale:

Never fired, dropped only once.

12. How did the coronavirus start?

It was Made In China.

13. What are American Muslims’ favorite restaurant to take their wife out to eat?

Raising Canes

14. How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?

9 months.

15. What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?

Nobody cries when they chop up a hooker.

16. What did the middle eastern Katy Perry fans do wrong?

They actually became a firework.

17. When Mother Teresa died, she went straight to heaven...

Upon her arrival she immediately met with God. "Teresa, my child", God started. "You have done countless wonderful things for the world in your lifetime. Please accept this halo." With that, a golden halo appeared above Mother Teresa's head. Some time later, Mother Teresa saw Princess Diana, with a bigger halo over her head. Upset, she asked to meet with God, who agreed. "God, I saw Princess Diana today," said Mother Teresa. "I noticed that her halo was bigger than mine. I know that envy is a sin and I don't mean to question you, but why?" God said "You don't understand. That's not a halo. That's the steering wheel."

18. Abdul,Chen and Jerome are in a car,who's driving?

Inspector johnson

19. Whats the difference between my wife and a punching bag

She cooks

20. Girlfriend asked me why we don't have sex anymore,

Because your dick keeps getting in the way.

21. Atticus: Should I call you my father or my nephew?

Dawson: Both. I rolled in the hay with my meemaw. Fortunately she was still young enough to give birth to you.

22. Dwarves that are offended easily should just grow up

23. I need to show my family who’s boss

I need something really fucking mean for my family. I don’t care what it is but I need suggestions

24. I hate mosquitoes and gnats, so.....

..... I call them niggers. After all, they are actually black, unlike Africans who are technically brown. Gnat lives don’t matter. I’m prejudiced against mosquitoes.

25. This guy commented “that’s a whale not a dolphin” and another guy responded saying “whales are myths” and then I responded “so your mom is a myth?”

26. What does anal sex and vegetables have in common?

If you were forced to have it when you were young, chances are that you probably won’t like it when your older.

27. Never realised the Koran was so accurate, especially when thrown from a close distance.

28. what do 2016 and 2020 have in common?

the death of a gorilla causing nationwide backlash

29. I was gonna post a Jew joke...

But you've probably heard it, like, 6 million times already

30. Won my first fight

The blind kid didn’t know what hit him

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