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avatar fauxmerican1280 2 day.ago

Someone snuck up beside me and shouted BOO! so loud that I lost all my hearing in my left ear.

He scared me half to deaf.

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

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1. Why don’t ants get COVID?

Because they have…. Antibodies

2. Why does the person who runs Times Square feel like a failure?

They always drops the ball….

3. I named my first daughter Alexa

I named the second one Nevermind

4. A highway patrol officer tried to pull over a speeding car on the interstate, but the car wouldn’t stop.

He pulled alongside the car was astounded to see that the old woman behind the wheel was knitting, completely oblivious to the patrol car’s flashing lights and siren. The officer shouted over his loudspeaker, “Pull over!” “No,“ the old lady yelled back, “it’s a scarf!”

5. Did you hear about the dental implants that only cost a dollar?

They're only a dollar but now you have buck teeth

6. A cactus and a wind turbine were chatting at an outdoor music festival.

The cactus says "You know, despite my prickly exterior, I'm actually really into smooth jazz." The wind turbine responds "That's cool - I'm a huge heavy metal fan."

7. If you really want to know, I met your mom at a costume party. She was dressed as a slinky.

When I first saw her coming down the stairs....

8. Yo mama so fat, the U.S. mistook her for an oil reserve and sent the military to 'liberate' her.

9. What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don’t watch The Flintstones, but Abu Dhabi Doooooooo!!!!

10. I got lost on my way to the New Year’s Eve party.

I should have followed the Auld Lang signs!

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