Did you know Taylor Swift was named after Albert Einstein?

There was once an island populated by 50 mathematicians. Despite all their logic and numbers, the Island was ruled by two unbreakeable rules they had to undergo: \-If someone knows for certain that he has blue eyes, he must commit suicide at midnight. \-It is forbidden to tell anybody the color of their eyes But here is the catch: all of them had blue eyes!, but since there was no mirrors in the island, they continued with their lives without issue. One day a castaway was rescued on the beach and was taken care until he recovered. After a few days the authorities were contacted and a boat came to pick him up. However before leaving he left a revelation: \-At least one of you has blue eyes. Nothing changed on the life of the islanders for the next 49 days, however on the morning of the 50th day since the stranger's departure, 47 corpes without life were found on their homes. Why is that? Because 3 of them were fucking stupid!

“I have some great news, dear,” she said. “We’ll soon be hearing the pitter patter of little feet around the house!” I was a bit surprised, of course, but said, “That’s great — how many months until this bundle of joy arrives?” She said, “Months? No - my mom will be moving in next week.”

Because he kneads the dough!

So you can tell whether you're cumming or going.

They told me "Get a long little doggie"

And then, from out of nowhere, a load of sausage rolls, crisps, quiche, vol-au-vents, chicken drumsticks and dips fall on him. With his dying breath he says: “Oh no! Buffet The Vampire Slayer”

58

Because, they have drum sticks!

Doctor: Maybe you shouldn't have eaten so many tacos on Tuesday

Was the sign on a vacuum I saw out on the curb this morning.