Is anyone ever going to fix the news?…

He was disintegrating by parts.

Currently reading a braille horror story and something bad is about to happen. I can feel it...

However, after his successes, Jay's life fell apart and he later found himself struggling to support his 2 daughters and his son. It was then that Jay decided to turn his life around. He implemented structure in his life, and tried to impress the value of structure on his three kids. All three kids decided they were going to go out and sieze their futures. Jay's first daughter found structure in her art studies, and followed in her father's footsteps to become a highly-regarded painter. Jay's second daughter dedicated herself to music and, through structuring her time carefully, wrote several songs in the same style as Jay's album, becoming a highly successful singer songwriter. However, his son struggled. He simply couldn't motivate himself to live a life full of structure. After many years, he decided he was going to ride his father's writing success and write a sequel to Jay's novel. Jay wished his son the best of luck, and promised he would check in on him regularly to see his progress. 6 months passed, and Jay visited his son's studio to see how he was getting on with the book. However, to his dismay, instead of a neat setup, Jay found papers spread over lots of tables all over the room. When he asked his son what was going on, his son told him, "I can't find force myself to be structured all the time, so I devised this complicated table arrangement to make up for the ways that I struggle to be structured". As Jay looked around, he started to understand - one table was for all of the tense scenes, one for all the romantic scenes, one for the bits that weren't quite finished yet, and so on. "That's genius!" exclaimed Jay. "How did you come up with this?". "Oh it was easy really, I thought of it when I came across this advice in a programming textbook" "Jay's son is semi-structured, which necessitates a complex table structure when writing sequel."

Disappointed, the husband sighs and complains, “After hearing how great it was going to be and getting myself all excited, I was looking forward to having an extended good time. And then in the end it only lasted for 30 seconds!” “So?,” replied his wife. “Welcome to my world!.”

Willy Wonkawonkawonkawonka.

While taking a trip through a native reservation, a man was approached by a young Algonquin woman who offered herself to him for $200. “That’s a lot of money,” he said, “Manhattan Island cost less than that.” “Yes,” she replied, “but unlike me, Manhattan Island just lies there.”

"Guilty", said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "*You dirty rat!*" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise. The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"? "Guilty", said the man in the dock. Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "*You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!* At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?" He replied "He is my next door neighbor". The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments". The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!

A CUMmercial

The first posh friend says: "My husband just bought me a yacht." And the poor girl: "Oh, how wonderful!" The second posh friend says: "My husband just got us a huge house on the coast of Tahiti." And the poor girl: "Oh, how wonderful!" One of the posh friends asks the poor girl: "And your husband, has he bought you anything?" So she goes: "Yeah, he got me some diction lessons to improve my speech. So before I used to say 'axe' but now I say 'ask'; before I used to say 'exetera' but now I say 'etcetera'; before I used to say 'I don't give a flying fuck' but now I say 'Oh, how wonderful!'

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.