Anyone read braille?

Call themselves "Me-gene?"

…both are irrational

But then it stuck.

I told him “But the sign said Fine for Parking”

I told her stop using her teeth

Beats me.

I guess I only have my shelf to blame..

They wear cowmouflage

I love saying this. People get the "confused Tucker Carlson" look.

The family doctor, consulted by the hysterical parents of a pregnant teenager, said he positively would not perform an abortion. "But when her time comes, I'll deliver the baby at a private hospital. Then I'll show it to one of my other patients--let's say a woman who's married and who's in for a gall-bladder operation--and tell her there's been a mistake, it wasn't her gall bladder, she was pregnant, and here's the child." All went as planned; but at the crucial time, there was no available female patient on whom to foist the infant. There was only a male--a priest, in fact. The physician, undaunted, decided to brazen it out. When the man of the cloth awakened from the anesthesia, he was informed that, by a miracle, he had been delivered an offspring, a boy. Far from being shocked, the good cleric was overjoyed at this evidence of divine intervention and raised the boy as his own. Years later, as the priest lay dying, he concluded that he must unburden his soul to his son. "I have always told you I was your father, but that is untrue," he confessed, and he told the lad about the "miraculous" incident at the hospital. "So you see, my boy," the priest announced, "I'm not your father. I'm your mother. The bishop is your father."