The Pentagon was originally supposed to be an octagon.

During the check up, the doctor asked him if he was having any issues with wetting the bed at night. The man responded, "No doc, no issues at all with that. On the contrary, when I go to the bathroom, a fairy or something turns the light on when I open the door. And after I finish going to the bathroom, the fairy or something turns the light off for me. It's really wonderful!" The doctor looked concerned and scribbled some notes about this and continued on with the check up. After the check up, the doctor went out to the waiting room where one of the man's family members asked him how the check up went. The doctor responded, "Well Ma'am, his check up went OK. Physically, he's as healthy as can be for a 90 year old. But mentally, I'm worried he's coming down with dementia or something." The lady, with a concerned look on her face asks, "Why do you say that?" The doctor responded and said, "Well, during the check up, he told me that when he goes to the restroom at night, a fairy or something turns on the light when he opens the door and that same fairy or something turns off the light for him when he finishes. I'm just a little concerned about his mental health." The lady with a horrified look turns to the rest of the family and says, "Oh no, Grandpa's been pissing in the fridge again!"

Perhaps being a trail guide isn't for me.

It's a trap!

He's a small arms dealer

Dinner’s on me!

Say 'I hate happiness' without the 'H's'

I saw a homeless woman on the street when I was walking home one day with my friend I said to my friend, "God! I just wish I could take her home!" I guess I said it a little too loudly, because she walked over and said, smiling, "Excuse me, but I overheard you and... Yes, you can." Now, her expression quickly changed when she saw me dismantling her tent.

Roomers are flying!

Where do you work? I work at NASA NASA? What do you do there? I study Uranus. It's my dream job. Wait! I thought you were a proctologist? Exactly.

Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I touched a man’s private parts.” The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?” She replies, “My right hand.” The priest instructs her to dip her right hand in holy water and say ten Hail Marys. The second nun steps in and confesses, “I touched a man’s private parts with my left hand.” The priest gives her the same penance. As the third nun is about to enter, the fourth nun pushes ahead. The priest asks, “Why did you push ahead in line?” She responds, “Because I want to gargle the holy water before she sits in it!”