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A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.

Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I looked in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh, well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?!?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

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1. Yo mama so fat when she went on a diet it ended world hunger

2. Yo mama so hairy when she has diarrhea, it comes out as filtered water

3. A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?”

“Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”

4. God sat back on the 7th day and was approached by Gabriel who asked “Lord, should not Adam & Eve be to able to have offspring like all the other animals?

God said “You’re right. Give the dumb one a cunt.”

5. What’s the difference between circumcision and crucifixion?

With crucifixion they throw out the whole Jew.

6. Yo Mama so hairy you were born with carpet burns.

7. Princess Diana

I got a couple: What was the last thing to go through Diana's mind? The stereo. Why did princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt. What do princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? The wall was their last big hit.

8. Spousal abuse

Abusing of your wife is just so stupid. It's YOUR wife. That's like keying your own car.

9. What’s the best way to kill 1000 flies?

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