What do you call a Witch at the beach?

I love saying this. People get the "confused Tucker Carlson" look.

The family doctor, consulted by the hysterical parents of a pregnant teenager, said he positively would not perform an abortion. "But when her time comes, I'll deliver the baby at a private hospital. Then I'll show it to one of my other patients--let's say a woman who's married and who's in for a gall-bladder operation--and tell her there's been a mistake, it wasn't her gall bladder, she was pregnant, and here's the child." All went as planned; but at the crucial time, there was no available female patient on whom to foist the infant. There was only a male--a priest, in fact. The physician, undaunted, decided to brazen it out. When the man of the cloth awakened from the anesthesia, he was informed that, by a miracle, he had been delivered an offspring, a boy. Far from being shocked, the good cleric was overjoyed at this evidence of divine intervention and raised the boy as his own. Years later, as the priest lay dying, he concluded that he must unburden his soul to his son. "I have always told you I was your father, but that is untrue," he confessed, and he told the lad about the "miraculous" incident at the hospital. "So you see, my boy," the priest announced, "I'm not your father. I'm your mother. The bishop is your father."

Early one evening, the shrewish wife of a stock-market analyst returned home unexpectedly from a bridge game and discovered her husband in bed with a shapely blonde. "Harry, what the hell are you doing?" she bellowed. "Don't you know?" the quick-thinking chap replied. "I've gone public.

Wait Watchers…dont sleep dont eat just wait

He told the General, "I was just doing what you ordered, sir." The General was outraged and yelled, "What could have given you the idea that I wanted something like this?!?" The Colonel replied, "Well, you said to surprise the enemy with an attack of shock and awwwwwwwwww."

An iron deficiency

He was on dooty

It writes other words too!

A man was driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he saw a sign that said, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution – 15 mi.’ Being tired, he thought it was just a figment of his imagination and drove on without a second thought. Not too long after he saw another sign that said 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 8 mi’ and realized the signs were real. When he drove past a third sign saying, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right' his curiosity got the better of him and he pulled into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot was a stone building with a small sign next to the door: Sisters of Mercy He climbed the stairs and rang the bell. The door was answered by a nun in the customary black habit who said, 'What can we do for you, my son?’ He answered, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.’ 'Very well, my son, please follow me.’ He was led through many winding passages and was soon disoriented. The nun stopped at a closed door and said, 'Please knock on this door.’ He did as he was told. This door was answered by another nun holding a tin cup. This nun said, 'Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.’ He took $50 out of his wallet and placed it in the second nun's cup. He trotted eagerly down the hall and slipped through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locked behind him he found himself back in the parking lot facing another small sign. The sign read: Go in Peace. You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy

No one is willing to start an ad venture.