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Defence barrister: 'Will you please state your full name.'....... Agatha: 'Agatha Louise Hewson.'

Defence barrister: 'Will you please state your age' Agatha: 'I am 94 years old.' Defence barrister: 'Will you tell us in your own words what happened on the night in question.' Agatha: 'I was sitting on my garden swing on my front verandah. It was a warm spring evening, when a young man crept up on the verandah and sat down beside me.' Defence barrister: 'Did you know him? ' Agatha: 'No, but he was really friendly.' Defence barrister: 'What happened after he sat down?' Agatha: 'He started to rub my thigh.' Defence barrister: 'Did you stop him?' Agatha: 'No, I didn't stop him.' Defence barrister: 'Why didn't you stop him?' Agatha: 'It felt so good and nobody had done that since my husband George died almost 35 years ago.' Defence barrister: 'What happened next?' Agatha: 'He began to kiss my legs and inner thighs.' Defense Attorney: 'Did you stop him then?' Agatha: 'No, I didn't stop him.' Defence barrister: 'Why didn't you stop him?' Agatha: 'Because he made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in so many years! And I was getting so moist too!' Defence barrister: 'What happened next?' Agatha: 'Well, by this time I was feeling like I was about to explode that I just took all my clothes off, laid down and said "Take me young man, take me now"!' Defence barrister: 'And tell me, did he take you?' Agatha: 'Lord no!.....He just yelled "April Fool You Old Cow" and that's when I shot him, the little fucker.'

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1. Where’s do pirates dock their ships when visiting America?

Ann Arbor

2. Three cats walk into a bar, the third one limping, with its paw in a bandage, after an encounter with a local beagle.

As they’re about to order, the bartender holds his hand up to stop them and says, “I think I have just the thing for each of you.  Give me a minute.”  He returns in a moment and gives the first two cats each a bowl of milk.  He hands a bowl with a single piece of fur to the third cat. Puzzled, the third cat asks “What’s this supposed to be? Why do you think I’d want a piece of fur?”  The bartender says, “Well, that’s not just any piece of fur, it's the hair of the dog that bit you.”

3. I didn't have enough calcium to dissolve the snitches' corpses, but luckily I had a substitute...

Barium.

4. I used to get small shocks touching metal objects but recently it has stopped.

You know what? I'm exstatic

5. What do you call a street walking nun?

A Roman Catholic

6. What do you call a dog with no legs?

(with a southern drawl) Don't matter, he ain't comn'

7. A pirate walked into a bar.

8. 3 people were in an island

and they were told by a tribe that each one should go get a fruit and shove it deep inside his ass. the first one got an apple. after he put it, he screamed so they killed him, the second guy got grapes, after he put it he burst out laughing, after they asked him why he was laughing he said i couldn't resist after i saw the third guy with 2 watermelons

9. What do you call a sleeping bull?

Bulldozer

10. What do you call a sleeping bull?

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