Luxodad 1 mon.agoJohnny in the classroom(Reposting here as too long for Dad jokes) Newish teacher was due for an inspection and was worried about how her class would make her look. Her boyfriend, an engineer, designed something special for her and installed it the night before the inspection. Basically, he'd placed drawing pins under each chair that were controlled by a wireless signal from teacher's iPad. Next morning, when the inspector walked in, she pressed the "all" button and the pins went into every pupils backside. Of course they all jumped up, and the inspector was impressed by the class' respectful behaviour. Next, the teacher told him she was doing a pop quiz on the Bible. First question was "Who was our Lord and Saviour?" She called on George and pressed his button. George jumped up, rubbing his bottom, exclaiming "Jesus Christ!" Next question was "Who was sent floating in a basket down the river?" This time it was Brian's turn to get the jab. He jumped up, rubbing his bottom, crying out "Holy Moses!" The next question was "What did Eve say to Adam in the Garden of Eden?" This time, she called upon Johnny (oh, will they never learn?) who'd been stung once and had seen the how the teacher was doing the tricks. Before she could press the button for Johnny, he'd already jumped up, saying "You're not going to stick that thing in me."
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Cracker with cheese
At least we know why he kept making all those child prodigy videos now
Me and my sister were talking to my baby sister and I jokingly said”do you understand me” after talking. So my sister (not baby sister) says,“I don’t think she speaks weirdo”. So I said,”then why are you talking to her”. And she was so shocked and grumpy she didn’t talk to me for a while.
A woman with no rights
They vote
Cause they’ve got a lot on their chest
At least 600,000 babies per year would disagree.
Ginger Ale
Her mom follows her into the basement and doesn’t see the body. “April fools!” The little girl exclaims, “he did it in the garage!”
For example, when you shove them down the stairs.
If you missed the showing in Seattle, don't worry, you can still catch it in Atlanta, Minneapolis, NY, Portland, and More TBD.
It was then that dave found out that his wife who had Alzheimer's had progressed so badly that she forgot her husband
"Me-Don't Worry, It'll End Soon." "Me-Ok, Ok, That's The Last One fr." Next Week- Everyone, Crying, In The Graveyard.
Go stand in front of a mirror
An adoption agency
On an unrelated note, Charlie Daniels wasn’t that good at the violin.
An earthquake.
A couple named Lola and Arnie go to fertility clinic for help conceiving. doctor takes Lola's height and weight and says you're 6 ft 1, 295 lb. You're big enough to play with Green Bay's Packers. Lola says I'd never do that! I don't play with anybody's packer but Arnie's!
baby shoes, never worn
A baby with a spear through its head.
Never fired, dropped only once.
It was Made In China.
Raising Canes
9 months.
Nobody cries when they chop up a hooker.
They actually became a firework.
Upon her arrival she immediately met with God. "Teresa, my child", God started. "You have done countless wonderful things for the world in your lifetime. Please accept this halo." With that, a golden halo appeared above Mother Teresa's head. Some time later, Mother Teresa saw Princess Diana, with a bigger halo over her head. Upset, she asked to meet with God, who agreed. "God, I saw Princess Diana today," said Mother Teresa. "I noticed that her halo was bigger than mine. I know that envy is a sin and I don't mean to question you, but why?" God said "You don't understand. That's not a halo. That's the steering wheel."
Inspector johnson
She cooks
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