What does Santa tech his helpers?

Because he was deriving drunk.

"The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, "Perfume." So he goes to see his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Fuck!" The boy asks, "Dad, what does fuck mean?" and dad says "preparing." Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mom and dad are about to have sex when his dad says, "Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets." The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken."

I moss admit, I don't sea any difference.

Ann.

A man had gone to a city for a business expo. On his way to the train station to go home, he was thinking about how much he should have eaten at the city's seafood restaurants. So he leaned forward and asked his taxi driver, "Hey, bud. Do you know where a fellow could have gotten scrod around here?" The taxi driver paused for a moment, then said "Pal, I've been driving this cab for many years, and I've been asked that question by many people, but you're the first one to ask it in the pluperfect subjunctive."

A novice.

1.) What is a pear's favorite type of story? A Pear-able. 2.) What would the Re-Animator horror film series be called if the cast was replaced by pears? Re-Pear Man.

Lieutenant!

That's pretty nuts...

They follow eggs-it signs.