WatF

Two idiots- Zack and James and were walking together in a field. After a bit of walking they came across a big hole in the ground. The hole was so big and deep they couldn’t see the bottom. Zack: How deep do you think the hole is?” James: “I’m not sure- let’s throw a rock in and listen for when it hits the bottom.” Zack: “great idea- I’ll grab a rock” Zack grabs a rock and tosses it in the center of the hole. They never hear the rock hit the bottom. Zack: “man that hole must be deep! Let’s get something bigger to toss in!” James: “great idea! I’ll be right back!” James is gone for a long time- finally after an hour of waiting Zack sees James returning dragging an anvil towards the hole. Zack helps him carry this heavy anvil towards the hole. Together they heave the anvil down the hole. They listen for the sound. They hear a faint “clop..clop…clop” The noise is steadily picking up in volume and speed. Clop Clop. CLOPCLOPCLOOCLOP. Suddenly a goat is flying towards James and Zack. It jumps right down the hole. Astonished- James and Zack are dumbfounded. About this time they hear a farmer call out “Calvin! Calvviiiin!!” “What’s the matter?” Zack asks the farmer?? Farmer: “I’m looking for Calvin!” Zack and James start helping the farmer locate Calvin. After 20 minutes of no luck- James asks “so what does Calvin look like?” Farmer: Calvin is my pet goat. Zack: you are never going to believe this but we just saw that goat jump down the big hole! Farmer: no that can’t be- that’s impossible. James: why is that? How come you don’t believe us? Farmer: cause Calvin was tied to a anvil

No body nose

Uncle Ben’s Perverted Rice

Tuna salad, pasta salad, chicken salad, potato salad, and egg salad. I call it my Cinco de Mayo.

It's a coarse, hoarse horse on the course!

Fresh Prints!

I woke up feeling 100%

The Russian had broken the backs of his two previous opponents with a patented move called "The Pretzel Hold".  In the pre-fight meeting, the coach for the American wrestler says, "If that madman gets you in the "Pretzel Hold", I'm throwing in the towel".  The American wrestler said, "Well, I appreciate it because I don't want to wind up like those two other guys".  So the match begins, and sure enough, within 30 seconds the Russian has the American in the "Pretzel Hold" and is REALLY wrenching down on him. The coach for the American is frantically looking for a towel to throw in.  The American wrestler, on the verge of losing consciousness, looks up and sees this nutsack hanging in front of his face. He figures, "What the hell", and bites it as hard as he possibly can.  Immediately, he comes flying out of the "Pretzel Hold", grabs the Russian, and pins him. The crowd goes WILD!!!. In the after match press conference, the reporters repeatedly asked, "How in the world did you manage to pin the guy, let alone get out the "Pretzel Hold"???????" The American wrestler, paused for a minute, and then said, "It's amazing what you can do when you bite your own nutsack".

Because 71.

The Latin people spoke was so vulgar!