The planes were actually coming for the tower of Pisa.

Because no one could find three wise men or a virgin.

The first nurse goes to check on him and notices that he had a massive erection so she tells the other nurses to give him a good send off by have sex with him. The first nurse does it and stops after getting tired. The second does the same and stops to share with the third nurse. The third nurse was a bit reluctant to do it because she was on her period and she felt embarrassed to show the other nurses. Eventually she gives into her desires and has sex with him and all of a sudden the man wakes up. The nurses are baffled and wonders what happened until the man says, " thanks ladies after 2 jump starts and a blood transfusion i feel fucking amazing."

She was starting to sound just like my wife.

I would never be able to balance myself on it anyways..

Then we could call her Brie Brie.

How do you get out of an elephant? You run around and around until you’re all pooped out.

Ribbit, ribbit.

Gram-o-phone

Both are coddead.

I was at the grocery store checkout with a large bag of dog biscuits and the clerk asked if I had a dog. I was feeling a bit crabby, so I told her no, I was starting The Dog Biscuit Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because although last time I lost 50 pounds, I ended up in the hospital in intensive care. Her eyes about popped out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that they’re nutritionally complete: the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with biscuits and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. Finally she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I calmly said, "No… I was sitting in the street licking myself when a car hit me."