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avatar LockhandsOfKeyboard 1 year.ago

Yo mama so ugly, she's the reason why the universe is expanding.

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. How do mountains hear so well?

All thanks to mountaineers.

2. What do you call a chicken that goes in public with all its feathers plucked?

An *eggs*ibitionist

3. Wouldn't another name for Father's Day...

...be Mother Fuckers Day?

4. Did you hear about the large body of water that appeared from nowhere?

It was an emergent sea

5. What do you call a spider that’s been dead for a long time?

Ex-spidered

6. Three ladies walk into a bar..

(This is my first joke post on reddit. I completely made this up. Hopefully my delivery is ok) ..and have a seat next to each other. The ladies order a drink each from the bartender and start to relax. First lady says "I think I've been too harsh with my husband. The other night he didn't like the food I cooked and he threw it on the floor. I then put a restraining order on him!" "That IS harsh!" the second lady says, "but I think I got you beat. My husband robbed a convenience store last month and I became the prosecutor's star witness!" Third lady says "I think I got you both beat. My husband didn't wish me Happy Mother's Day last year. I then voted for Agent Orange and my husband's now getting deported to Guantanamo!"

7. DA POPE

Is a life long fan of the White Sox and Da Bears, and still believes in God. That's real faith.

8. What do they call Hooters in Japan?

Miso Horny

9. I killed my family because my therapist told me to.

Those weren't his exact words, but he said I needed to eliminate the stress in my life.

10. What do you say to an atheist when they sneeze ?

“When you die .. nothing happens ! “

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