How to prevent thieves from entering your house?

Grow a cotton farm at the entance

Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

1. An international flight was cancelled after several planes had been withdrawn from service.

A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said; "I have to be on this flight and it must be First Class." The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to assist you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone and said: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Desk 5 who does not know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 5." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the flight attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "Fuck you!" Unflinchingly, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

2. My wife said she thinks she has an eating disorder. I said, so do I,

Im always “eating disorder, eating dat order”

3. What does a deaf gynecologist do?

Read lips.

4. Did you know it's a felony to build and sell a broken grandfather clock?

If you can't do the time, don't do the chime.

5. What does a cat say when it hurts itself?

Me- Owww

6. I have abandonment issues thanks to my cannibal ex-girlfriend.

Probably from all the times she desserted me.

7. What did the Romans build over top the Forum?!?

The Fivum.

8. Brad was visiting his friend Connor and soon discovered that Connor now had a pet skunk in his apartment.

"I'll admit that skunks are cute," Brad said, "but what about the smell?" Connor replied, "I'm sure the skunk will eventually get used to it."

9. At dinner, my date asked if I spoke any other languages. I said, “Yeah, I know ASL.” She lit up—“Oh wow, can you teach me??” I said, “Sure, it’s super easy!”

Then I signed the letters ‘A’ ‘S’ ‘L’

10. My wife told me I don’t take care of myself. I said, “What?? I’m in the BEST shape of my life because I’ve been doing yoga! You know, torso twists, leg swings, all that stuff.”

She’s goes, “Yeah…that’s a stretch.”

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How to prevent thieves from entering your house?

darkjoke

nsfw

funny dad jokes