【80+ LOL】Corny Dad Jokes Collection: Hilarious Classics for Family & Friends!

I asked the French guy working at the bakery for 20 croissants. He was one short and asked...

'Dis 'nuff??

Know why ChatGPT won't teach you how to do something immoral?

It follows its code of ethics

What do you call an ion that's not an ion, but just a conception about an ion?

A notion.

Did you hear the joke about paper?

It's tear-able.

Why did I take a date to the gym?

To see if the relationship would work out.

Garden Gnomes

What do you call a gnome catcher with a Math degree? Degnomeinator 😋

How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?

It's not hard. Edit: Can't believe the number of people who don't understand this

What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

A satisfactory.

Someone keeps sending me flowers with the tops cut off

I think I'm being stalked

If kids have kidneys what to dads have?

Dadneys.

My neighbours invited me to a nude party at 8.00pm tonight

They said to bring nothing and don’t come early.

Why do unsuccessful people have a child named Mark?

Because they hear a lot of 'You really need to make your mark'.

Which Country Always Has The Full Support Of It's People?

BRAzil.

What is a barista's favorite kind of pants?

Cappu-chinos.

The admiral visits the fleet

An Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed every biscuit had the ship’s insignia embossed on it. He was impressed and called in the cook to ask him how he did this. Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven. Admiral: That’s pretty unhygienic. Cook: In that case, sir, I’d suggest you skip the doughnuts.

What makes 'black holes' Italian?

Spaghettification

What were two duck physicists discussing about?

Quarks

What do you call a fish who wears a tuxedo ?

Sofishticated

There are many ways to make a woman moan in romance

Dad jokes don't count

What do you call when you accidentally cause the death of a homie?

homicide

Have you heard of the guy that makes shoes out of fruit?

He's a peach cobbler.

What do you call it when you accidentally tickle a man to death?

Manslaughter

What do you call a fake Sudanese person?

A *pseudonese*.

What do you call a fake Sudanese person?

A *pseudonese*.

Traded in Netflix for nature this afternoon.

Nothing’s ever as relaxing as it streams

I’m looking for someone to brush their teeth with me every morning.

Because my dentist says that brushing alone won’t prevent cavities.

I asked my wife and 10yr old son "What should we do for my 32nd birthday?

To which my son replied "Why is your birthday only going to be 30 seconds?" - Haha this really happened and it was hilarious.

Can you imagine, my neighbour banged on my door at 3.30 am!

Lucky for him, I was still up practising my drums.

Tom Cruise owns a highlands distillery in this upcoming film

Whiskey Business

A man was admitted to hospital with 6 plastic horses up his butt.

Doctors described his condition as "stable".

I wasn’t a fan of the new Minion movie,

but then it Gru on me.

So there we are, both in Egypt and we each have a little toot. What’ve we got?

A Tutankhamun.

What do you call it when someone thanks their father in a piece of art?

a dadication

Out for a hike with the wife and boys…

When she tripped and twisted her ankle. She was embarrassed but our sons reassured her it wasn’t her fault. “You wouldn’t have been able to see it, that was a hidden root,” they said. “And you were never able to do algebra,” I put in.

When is water not allowed at the pool?

When it’s running

What do you call a religious gardener

Moses Lawn As a note had to modify this old classic. Was warned that Jewish gardener might be construed as anti-Semitic.

Why don't other animals date snakes?

They always come with a hisstory.

Why did my tent collapse?

I'm going to search the world from pole to pole until I figure out who is responsible.

What’s the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog?

A well dressed man wears a suit a tired dog just pants.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it's full groan.

If I see one more potato pun on here

I'm gonna mash my screen

My uncle died from a donut overdose 🍩

He's set to be Krispy Kreme-ated this Saturday

The old way of creating photos might be making a comeback.

This is a developing story.

Did you hear about the hen who could count her own eggs?

Did you hear about the hen who could count her own eggs?  . . . . . She was a mathmechicken.

Did you hear about the man who bought a dog from his local blacksmith?

Did you hear about the man who bought a dog from his local blacksmith? . . . . As soon as he got the dog home, it made a bolt for the door.

A man walks into his therapist’s office.  He says, “I’m a wigwam. I’m a tepee.

A man walks into his therapist’s office.  He says, “I’m a wigwam. I’m a tepee.  I’m a wigwam. I’m a tepee.”  He gets more and more frantic, “I’mawigwam. I’matepee. I’mawigwam. I’matepee.”   “I’mawigwamI’matepee. I’mawigwamI’matepee.” His therapist replies, “Sir, sir, calm down, you’re two tents!”

Did you hear about the guy who called random people and sneezed into the phone?

Did you hear about the guy who called random people and sneezed into the phone? . . . . . He was making cold calls.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

Why do elephants paint their toenails red? . . . . . To hide in the cherry trees! . . . . . .. Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? (Hopefully the answer is no.) See, it works!

What type of bears like the rain?

What type of bears like the rain?. . . . . Drizzly bears!

What do you call a child dictator?

A dictator tot.

Why was the mushroom so popular

He is a fungi !

I had a friend come over to my house.

He accidentally knocked on my chinese neighbour's door. You coukd say he knocked on the Wong door.

Came up with this one while making lunch and had to share

What is the favorite grain of the band Disturbed? Quin-WAH AH AH AH

The funeral director got sick..

he could not stop coffin..

Two cowboys are lost in the desert . One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon . “A bacon tree ! We’re saved !” He says . He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets .

It wasn’t a bacon tree , it was a ham bush .

What is another name for a grandfather clock?

An old timer

A man told me he was Jewish

I told him to stop, I didn't want to go down the Rabbi hole.

"Will you marry me?" Is a marriage proposal.

"Will, you marry me" is a time traveler spoiling the future. "Will you, Mary me" is a woman (English is not her first language, just like me) trying to make Will, who has amnesia remember who he is. "Will, You, Mary, Me" is a foursome proposal.

I hate that my friend’s funeral was at 9 a.m.

I’m just not a mourning person.

What do you call a tired tree?

A sleepy hollow

What's a similarity between the stock market and a boeing plane?

They both came crashing down

A friend was bashing a comedian I know personally

I said “That’s unfair, he’s a standup guy”

The Romans had a formal ranking system for poisons. Poison I & II could kill you. Poison III would make you very sick.

Poision IV causes an itchy rash.

What do you call a pessimistic Australian psychic?

A Strewthsayer.

My children and I were having an argument about the origin of the day’s name: Wednesday

By the following day it was a Thor subject.

I’m not sure if I like my new mustache or not

but it’s growing on me.

Did you hear about the man who was buried alive?

I'm told it was a grave mistake.

A movie reviewer was admitted to hospital

He was in a critical condition

What do you call a match made entirely out of Potassium Chlorate?

A tournament.

I heard my son say “W in the chat!” while playing Fortnite.

So I sent him UU. He wasn’t impressed. [a picture of my message](https://imgur.com/gallery/lVG0kgk)

Al Pacino is set to star in a new movie about a man who wins the World Knitting Championship.

Its called 'Scarf Ace'.

The raven was indecisive.... He said, "Probably not. But don't quote me on that."

Sorry that was a Poe joke

Police have pulled the body of a chicken from a river

They are investigating whether there was any fowl play.

What did one uranium nucleus say to the other one?

I have to split.

What did the Terminator Chicken say before it crossed the road?

“I’ll be bock-bock-bock!”

What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved in over a year?

A trophy

Me and my team spent a full week of work looking for a pay cheque that was given to us by the company.

Turns out Lou had eaten it, it was in Lou

What makes roofers some of the best employees across all industries?

>!They always nail their job.!<

I had trouble breathing so I called my doctor

First of all, he said. Stop running, I can’t understand a word you are saying…

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

A stick.