awesomeness1024 2 year.agoA burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife in it hostage.(Disclaimer: I believe this is OC because I heard it in Cantonese and I've translated it, so also, apologies for bad English) A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife in it hostage. At gunpoint, he forces the two to sit on chairs facing the opposite way, back to each other, and ties them to the chairs. The burglar slowly and methodically begins stealing from the house. When the burglar has taken everything of value, he gets ready to leave, the homeowners still bound to their chairs, when suddenly, the man yells at the burglar, "Please untie her, please, let her go!" The thief responds with, "No, I'm not untying either of you so that the authorities get notified as late as possible. Don't worry, your neighbours will soon wonder why your lights are still on throughout the night and check in on you long before you succumb to dehydration" The man yet again pleads, "Please, just untie her, I'll do anything!" The burglar once again explains his reasoning, "I need to get away with this crime, I'm sorry, I can't leave anything up to chance." The man shuffles his chair towards the burglar, in a state of mania, exclaims, "I'm begging you man, just let her go, she won't call the cops, I promise!" The burglar, still unwilling to budge, did find it quite touching how much his hostage cared about his wife. "Wow," he said "You must really love your wife to beg me to untie her so desperately" "No," The man replied, in a state of frenzy "My wife will be home in 15 minutes"
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They met on snapchat.
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You can't have your cake or eat it.
LGBBQ
Women’s rights.
Dark humor
she would have $0.77
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
"Yeah" she laughed, "but what can you do?" I said, "You could have tried landing on your feet rather than your face."
A pitbull coming from a playground.
He can’t smell 12 year old girls hair anymore
Everyone treats the black part preferentially but its the white part that they enjoy the most
I don’t fuck the pizza before I eat it
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Just as free as the blacks are.
He took a shit and thought he was falling apart.
Pumpkin.
My dog doesn't get mad at me when I pull him out of the trunk.
Because 7 was black.
A fat person having to resort to jogging pants when they can't get trousers to fit them.
The hangar.
I don't know what I was doing, but my dad was eager to show me.
A black teen was shot while walking at night; at least now he’ll get to meet his father.
nevermind
She didn’t have her seatbelt on
"Son, after that orgy you must thank God you don't have a tail."
A liquor cabinet.
Doctors were optimistic for a full recovery until he Forgot About Dre!
When you ride a skateboard you don’t get charged with Statutory Rape.
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