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avatar TheDankLibrarian 4 year.agoWhen I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. A Jewish guy and a black guy are standing at the edge of a cliff, who do you push first?

The jew. It's always business before pleasure

2. How can a woman stop rape

by saying yes

3. If you were a rape baby... Would you be mad at your dad or be glad he put in the extra effort?

4. Did you hear about the racist Mexican guy?

He joined the Que Que Que

5. What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you already told that bitch twice.

6. What do you call an Ethiopian with buckteeth?

A rake.

7. What's the difference between a black man and a snow tire?

The tire doesn't sing when you put chains around it

8. 9 11 victims are the fastest readers

They went through 100 stories in mere seconds

9. Whats the difference between Bill Cosby and a rapist?

Bill Cosby gave them a drink first

10. Biden gave permission to Ukraine to strike Russia with US weapons.

America: Now do Palestine! Biden: OK. Ukraine now has permission to strike Palestine, too!

11. A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder

The Bartender says “That’s pretty cool, where’d ya get that?” The parrot then says “in the jungle, there’s millions of em!”

12. I went to my psychiatrist today.

He told me I was a paranoid racist, well he never actually said that. But I know what the Black Cunt was thinking...

13. I believe that Black Lives Matter...

the most when theyre all working for free.

14. What do you call a pizza restaurant named after Cameron Boyce?

Little Seizures

15. Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

Anyone that can run, jump, or swim is already in the US

16. How many dead babies fit in a box?

One per order

17. Two guys are out hunting

One of them collapsed and stopped breathing. The other one calls 911. Operator: How can I help you? Man: My friend just fell over dead in the woods! Operator: Calm down sir, I can help you. First make sure he's actually dead. (Silence, then a loud bang) Man: Okay..... Now what?

18. What do professional Smash Bros players and Priests have in common?

Not much, just some minor similarities

19. What do you call a hooker that sucks dick for cocaine?

A snow blower.

20. You know why Mexicans should play basketball?

Because they had to jump an entire wall to get here.

21. You're so unfuckable...

They could make you a square on the AIDS Quilt.

22. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

The hooked can wash her crack and sell it again

23. Good morning class. Can anyone tell me how Kelly Preston died?

"I can, Sir...." WRONG! It was "Breast."

24. What's green, yellow and eats nuts?

Gonorrhea

25. I like my women how I like my coffee....

Grounded up and stored in a freezer

26. So, I heard John Travolta got rid of his beard this weekend.

27. What do u call a Muslim pilot?

A pilot u racist bitch.

28. I like my hookers how I like my potatoes.

Brought to my house in a sack, peeled and boiled, cut up and eaten.

29. John Travolta's wife, actress Kelly Preston died today.

They're such an inspiration for me to act like I care.

30. Why do women live longer than men?

Couse god gives them back time spent for parking their car.

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