Rikako_Asakura 4 year.agoThe Queen's breastsOnce upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Sid revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Nathan the Erudite lawyer, the King's chief adviser. Nathan thought about this and said that he could arrange for Sid to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Sid readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Nathan got a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Nathan informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and Nathan advised that only the saliva of Sid would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Sid to their chambers. Nathan then slipped Sid the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Sid worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Sid left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Sid found Nathan demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Sid couldn't have cared less knowing that Nathan could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost. The next day, Nathan slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Sid.
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Being fingered by Captain Hook.
It's only useful when you fill it up with liquor and pass it around at your bachelor party
Tell a woman she is fat and she'll always remember because an elephant never forgets.
In the late 15oo's, Muslims invented the condom from the intestines of a sheep. In the 1700's, the English improved on the idea by removing said entrails from the sheep first.
...and approaches the black bartender and says, "Hey nigger! Get me a beer!" The bartender says, "That is very disrespectful. How would you like it if someone talked to you that way?" The white man says, "Well I don't know, how about we switch places and see?". The black man says, "Hey cracker, get me a beer!" The white man says, "Sorry, we don't serve niggers here."
santa goes down the chimney
Because it’s the only day black people can afford things
As a man walked pass her she started crying. The man asked, "Whats the matter, dear?" The girl replied with "I've never been hugged before." So the man hugs her and the girl starts crying again. The man asks "Whats wrong now?" The girl replies with "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her and the girl starts crying yet again. So the man asks, "Whats the matter now?" The girl replies with, "I've never been fucked before." So the man picks her up and throws her into the ocean and says "You're fucked now."
The NBA
Bury this one and go back to the orphanage for another.
We shoot them in school, because we have class.
[removed]
Buying rope isn't that fucking difficult.
Apparently she was offering 2 year old pussy on Tinder.
The man's because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen
But at least they drive through school zones slower
Couldn't find her head..
It's all over.
I thought, fuck me, I might win this.
When she takes her tampon out and the cotton is picked off.
XXXTENTACION, Juice Wrld, and Mac Miller
Let's Go Bully The Queers
Apparently, orphans don't have a sense of humor.
If the guy turns out to be innocent, I follow the girl home and rape her. Nobody is going to believe her anyway.
It really kind of spoiled our 10th anniversary dinner.
Her miscarriage.
My wife is white and it's hard to hide all the bruises
Little Seizures.
Going to an Oregon community college
So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove into a wall
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