There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength. News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas. John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip” The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip”. Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?” With heavy breath, John told him “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.” “What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified” “I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls” (Today is the anniversary of my Grandfather’s passing, and I posted this because he has been on my mind since I woke up. I just saw the response that this has garnered and I am fuckin crying. Thank you all so much. You have made this day so much better)
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Fuk ‘em yung !!!
Stab it repeatedly
African
After he saw the gas bill
I’m pretty sure I’m not though, I have 3 daughters. I would’ve killed 2 of them by now.
In some people's eyes
He got Dee dossed
You either get one of the two things; you’ll taste the ocean, you know plastic... or you’ll get a mouth full of dick.
Huntington's
I dont go to jail when I beat cancer.
The gift that they give to children
A black lad walks in and says "Got anything by The Doors"? I said "yes 2 cameras and an alarm now fuck off".
Cot death
I’d rather be a fruit than a vegetable.
A firecracker
A flamongo .
...they treat food recipes like sex, they keep it in the family.
Ooga Boogaloo
A bath bomb
So I just burned her for good
Your dads dick tastes funny
Her miscarriage
'You know what? You are a better fuck than our moter' She says: 'Yes, I know, dad told me that.'
We have to give props to kobe, I mean he was the only black father to take their kids with him
Your computer doesn't freak out when you accidentally cum on it.
Because at night the sky is dark
Cracker with cheese
At least we know why he kept making all those child prodigy videos now
more jokes Here waiting for you
best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
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