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avatar kizersosea 4 year.agoMy late Grandfathers favorite joke

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength. News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas. John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip” The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip”. Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?” With heavy breath, John told him “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.” “What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified” “I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls” (Today is the anniversary of my Grandfather’s passing, and I posted this because he has been on my mind since I woke up. I just saw the response that this has garnered and I am fuckin crying. Thank you all so much. You have made this day so much better)

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1. What’d you call a Chinese paedophile?

Fuk ‘em yung !!!

2. How do you kill a clown?

Stab it repeatedly

3. What starts with A, ends with N, and means ending the life of a child?

African

4. When did hitler kill himself?

After he saw the gas bill

5. I just got my 23&me results back - they say I’m Asian

I’m pretty sure I’m not though, I have 3 daughters. I would’ve killed 2 of them by now.

6. Throwing acid is wrong...

In some people's eyes

7. What’s the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the Abuse Shelter? The dishes if she knows what’s good for her.

8. You know what happened as soon as Steven hawking died

He got Dee dossed

9. Have you ever ate out a girl from California?

You either get one of the two things; you’ll taste the ocean, you know plastic... or you’ll get a mouth full of dick.

10. What is it called when American Police picks up arms against the local populace?

Huntington's

11. What the difference between a baby and cancer?

I dont go to jail when I beat cancer.

12. What is the difference between Santa Claus and a Priest?

The gift that they give to children

13. Do you know how to keep a racist in suspense?

14. Just started work in a record shop.

A black lad walks in and says "Got anything by The Doors"? I said "yes 2 cameras and an alarm now fuck off".

15. What's twelve inches long, purple and can make a woman scream all night?

Cot death

16. What did the gay man say to the paraplegic ?

I’d rather be a fruit than a vegetable.

17. What do u call a white guy with gasoline

A firecracker

18. What's pink and retarted ?

A flamongo .

19. The only thing I knew about Kentucky before moving here...

...they treat food recipes like sex, they keep it in the family.

20. What do you call a revolution in Africa?

Ooga Boogaloo

21. What do you call a Muslim in a pool

A bath bomb

22. My gf was all plastic

So I just burned her for good

23. How can you tell when your sister is on her period?

Your dads dick tastes funny

24. What’s red, 6 inches long and makes your girlfriend cry when you feed it to her?

Her miscarriage

25. After sex, the guy says to the girl:

'You know what? You are a better fuck than our moter' She says: 'Yes, I know, dad told me that.'

26. We have to give props to kobe

We have to give props to kobe, I mean he was the only black father to take their kids with him

27. What's the difference between your computer and your sister?

Your computer doesn't freak out when you accidentally cum on it.

28. Do you know why cops shot at the sky?

Because at night the sky is dark

29. What do you call a white bitch with a yeast infection?

Cracker with cheese

30. Smash bros player ZeRo has admitted to various paedophilic accusations

At least we know why he kept making all those child prodigy videos now

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