jokeKing logo
avatar hayeshilton 4 year.agoThree contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota .

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.........

Politics
33511
985
Recommend Jokes

Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. I asked the late Pope what his favorite country was

He said "France is"

2. Did you know it's a felony to build and sell a broken grandfather clock?

If you can't do the time, don't do the chime.

3. When does a dad joke become nsfw?

When it’s “bring your kid to work day”

4. If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims

5. Why were they sad when the Dean of the Clown College retired?

He left Big Shoes to fill.

6. I had a finger amputated today. I asked my doctor if I could still write with that hand...

He said, "Well, I wouldn't count on it".

7. what do u call a boat underwater made of brushes?....

a scrubmarine!

8. It's very inappropriate to tell a dad joke when you're not a dad.

It's a faux pa!

9. So a guy goes to the hospital and says doctor help me I’m shrinking

And the doctor says “now now, you’re just going to have to be a little patient”

10. What sort of car does a tax cheat drive?

A Dodge

11. A woman at work accused me of being attracted to sheep.

I said “that explains why I have a crush on ewe.”

12. What do you call a vegitable who knows kung-fu?

Broco-Lee

13. The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

14. The internet connection at my dad's farm was really spotty, so I moved the router to the horse barn

Now he has stable WiFi

15. I accidentally called my iPhone’s smart assistant “surely” instead of siri.

Now my phone is stuck on airplane mode.

16. In computer class, I programmed a new spell check software. I think i did pretty good…

Considering it was my first 4 A into programming

17. What does a cat say when it hurts itself?

Me- Owww

18. My wife said she thinks she has an eating disorder. I said, so do I,

Im always “eating disorder, eating dat order”

19. Dads with high blood pressure who are watching their sodium intake should avoid what fish at all times?

2 Na, of course.

20. Dad jokes should always be kid-friendly

Last time I told one, three little goats laughed so hard they fell off a bridge

21. [getting arrested for impersonating a priest]

I KNOW MY RITES!!

22. Why doesn't it hurt if someone throws a can of Coke at your head?

Because it's a soft drink.

23. What did the Romans build over top the Forum?!?

The Fivum.

24. Now that the Pope has passed away, what happens next?

A new one popes up.

25. How does a Sleeping Dragon know he snores?

The smoke alarm wakes him

26. I went to the gym.

They gave me a punch card!

27. I have abandonment issues thanks to my cannibal ex-girlfriend.

Probably from all the times she desserted me.

28. My daughter finally started looking for a job. I told her there's an entry level job that people are dying to get into and you start with 3000 people beneath you.

Working at the graveyard isn't for everyone though!

29. How do diamonds get to know other diamonds better?

Carbon Dating!

30. Original joke from my 8 yr old boy

If there was a soccer game between humans and bugs, the humans would crush it.

more jokes Here waiting for you

best dad jokesjokes for adult
Welcome to Joker King – Your Daily Dose of Happiness!

Here, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!

Feeling down? Click in—guaranteed smiles! 😆

funny jokes for you Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota .